Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Thursday 31st May 2018
Hello Lovely Trauma family
Thanks Bee for your lighthearted and fun Wednesday! A break between the grief sessions as I'm going to continue with this theme. Mainly because its so significant in our healing.. maybe more than we realise.
As Michele Rosenthal, author of "Your Life after Trauma' says ": Trauma and grief often go hand in hand, so learning to process grief can help those struggling With PTSD." She describes grief as our internal response to loss. .. the sadness and the despair. The key is to convert the grief to mourning which is the way we express our grief....., the more active phase which may involve talking to another ,writing or poetry, art or music, and may be in a special place. According to Dr Alan Wolfelt, educator and grief counselor, mourning is what intergrates our internal response of grief, and what helps us to release this is to find safe people and places that allow us to mourn.
Finding that support may not be so easy. Its thought that one third of people will not be comfortable and able to sit with your mourning, another third will tell you to cheer up, it wasn't so bad after all, they want you to be okay, and the other third are the gems, the ones who can hold you up and support you through this.Often its someone who can sit with you, maybe hold you, and comfort you. The other support is your own internal support.. the self compassion, kindness gentleness, and understanding in your internal environment that helps the healing process.
According to Wolfelt, mourning involves several steps. First acknowledging the loss.And then befriending the pain, no longer avoiding it, but allowing and interacting with it. Knowing what you have loved and lost, and exploring your new identity in the context of the loss. And finally searching for meaning.
"Pain is excess energy crying out for release." Gerald Heard.
How is your day going? Do you know how you naturally express your grief, that is to mourn, or maybe you can discover this. Or pop in to say hi! This is your space and a safe place. Much love and comfort from rozie. x
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I am anxious all the time, my mother is now living with me and she was an awful person to me when I was a child and teen and young adult, she is bedridden and demands a lot!
@jr50
Oh this doesn't sound easy for you at all. Being a caregiever isn't easy at the best of times, but when there is a history as you have here, it becomes more challenging. I suggest clear boundaries are essential.. what you are prepared to do for her but not that you will be at her beck and call. She may not like this, but for your own health and well being its important. As is self care ,and time to get out and do what you enjoy.. please take good care of you. x
I've never really thought about grieving. I'm not sure what to grieve for. The loss of innocence, the loss of my childhood, something completely different or maybe nothing at all. Guess I'll have to think on this some more.
The thoughts in my head are twisted, and I feel suck in a permanent depressed mood.
@Rebekahwriter13
Glad you are here with us..I know it can be so hard when you're depressed, so hard to see any light behind the dark clouds. But its there and I'm holding on to the hope with you that there will a glimpse of this soon. x
At the end of a 12hr work day
But then you finally get home and just die
Everything hurts. My feet. My knees. My back. Everything. Omg.
@rozie been avoiding this question, now at 4am my mind wont let me rest for thinking about it.
We have had alot of loss over the last few years, six of my own, grandparents, and more recently a family friend and a close neighbour. Her funeral is in a few hours and while we have a choice to go, her husbands acute grief and our fondness for him are overcoming our hesitation to go back to that crematorium which holds so many painful memories.
Moving past the grief has been pretty much impossible as im re -triggered by my workplace as it is the hospital where i had my last traumatic loss. I am trying to find another, tho spending alot of time at the intensive care of another hospital recently with mum in law (who had emergency surgery), has made me realise that stress triggers me regardless.
Hubby and i are both pretty down- he working with the losses and his recent stress with his mum and worrying about each other. He gets angry alot.
Accepting the pain is very hard , self blame and self hatred complicate it. Just recently admitted the level of self harm is not great- been neglecting and denying self water too as well ss the physical harm at work. Trying to get past it. Therapist is pushing to find any self compassion.
Trauma is grief and losing what we were and could have been. Daily i mourn the loss of all the potential taken by bullies- real and my own mind.
Sorry for venting its hot and late. Safe hugs to all if ok.
@inventiveOrange1
Glad that you are here with us Orange .. and thank you for sharing this.. its ok to vent.. My heart goes out to you with all the loss and grief you have been through in the last few years... and going back to places isn't easy..... and your work place too. I think too when both you and your hubby are grieving you can each be at different stages in grief and that's makes it difficult..Anger is part of grieving and sounds like this is affecting him.Its a tiime to be gentle and kind with oneself and each other as much as you can, good self care, sticking to the basics and familiar routines, Not expecting too much. and trying to so something that you enjoy from time to time.
Then there is the grief and loss that trauma brings, including as you say the potential that has been lost. As you are ready this involves mouring too, But out of this a different future can arise , maybe one you never dreamed of... "as the phoenix rises."
Safe hugs to you too. x
@rozie Thank you Rozie for your kind words. Glad we went to the funeral- her daughters and Ted were grateful. We walked in the infant remembrance garden afterwards which helped us be there too.
Currently at work struggling slightly to be kind to myself. Havent talked to anyone . Just need to get through late shift and discharges.
We have planned time away in a week so hoping that helps us talk and move on.
Safe hugs
@rozie
Finding that support may not be so easy. Its thought that one third of people will not be comfortable and able to sit with your mourning, - i have found those including therapists
another third will tell you to cheer up, it wasn't so bad after all, they want you to be okay i have found those including therapists
, and the other third are the gems, the ones who can hold you up and support you through this.i have finally started finding these gems who i'm so thankful for
Often its someone who can sit with you, maybe hold you, and comfort you. The other support is your own internal support.. the self compassion, kindness gentleness, and understanding in your internal environment that helps the healing process. - this is the hardest part, internal support. i don't know how to do this
