Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Tuesday 12th June 2018
Hello lovely trauma family
Well it seems that every day of the year marks an Awareness day and June 1st was no different. Did you know it was World Narcissitic Abuse Awareness Day? I didn't know either until Tenacity told me about the "2018 Survvivor Empowerment Telesummit" that she had registered for that weekend. So I registered too. This is a growing global movement with the aim to heighten awareness of narcissitic abuse, provide resources and education for survivors and effect policy change.They came up with the hashtag #IfMyWoundsWereVisible as narcissistic abuse is so often invisible and it strikes at the very soul and indentity and psyche of the victim.
It was an amazing weekend and the demand was so high that to begin with "It broke the internet" so they had to sort this out first. There were 17 presentations from speakers who are leaders in the field. So we were spoilt for choice. And it was certainly empowering to be part of a community like this. I thought I'd share a little with you today from this smorgasbord.
First listened to Michelle Stevens, psychotherapist and author, who spoke on "The Only Way Out is Through" Her own story of survival is very much part of this,and is very moving. She emphasized how connection and relationship is so significant in healing, and how this had been her experience in therapy. She suggested that in looking for a therapist, these factors are important.. that they have training in trauma, that they are a survivor, that they have had their own therapy, and that they believe that healing is possible..
And then HilaryJacobs Hendel, who has a background in science and psychoanalytic theory, and now works in a very different way with emotions, believing they are the key to healing anxieties, depression and mental health issues. She has developed a fascinating model called The Change Triangle. This is decribed with accompanying stories in her very recent book, "Its Not Always Depression: Working the Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to your Authentic Self." It could be well worth our exploring this further at some time, or if you're interested to visit her website.
Then Bill Brennan, a very spiritual man, who spoke about not neglecting the spiritual, and how important this is for well being. That its good to find a spiritual practice that suits one, and then to find a teacher who can guide, and then to find a community in which to share .
And a message that came through is that narcisistic abuse is pathological, and constant exposure hurts your brain, and has the potential to lead to PTSD. It is not safe to be around a narcissitic abuser and often going no contact is the only way, or at least limiting your exposure to keep yourself safe. They are not going to change.
How is your day going? Was there anything of significance in the above for you? Or pop in to say hi! You're welcome here.This is your space and a safe place.x
@rozie
Very true. Thpugh NC is just the beginning towards healing.
i expirence narcisistic abuse from my father...it was much worse when i was younger, though. there was no peace in the house when he was around, i can remember the yelling the most. he always called me childish when i'd cry because of his anger, i was always told to 'grow up' and to just 'deal with it' and that if 'i didn't give a reaction he wouldn't act the way he does' as if a freaking child can control their anxiety when they didn't have a word for it! i shouldn't have to act a certain way to not fear being hurt or slamming doors or being yelled at until i started sobbing. he still blames my mom and i for everything that goes wrong, even if it was his fault...constantly says cruel things behind our backs to other people...says bad things about mom to me and gets mad when i correct him.
Nice car, nice house
Nice couple, man and spouse
Nice kids, girl and a boy
One would assume contentment and joy
Nice neighbour, nice friend
Nice location in which they blend
Nice family, all is well
But step right in, youre entering hell
No one sees beyond the nice
The image presented is oh so precise
So now look harder, notice the strain
The silent daughter, she buries her pain.
Theres no point speaking -
In nice town nobodys even listening
@BestIcanbe
Beautiful poem!
I'm so sorry for your pain. I hope that you have support and people who accept you (in all your guises); prople who believe you and people ypu trust. I wish ypu strength and reslience and health.
(I relate to your story so very much).
@rozie i never knew till recently what she did was about narcistic abuse or that explained some of what she did to us
then i read some stuff by joseph burgo and things made a bit more sense maybe. still so much i don't understand but trying to work some things out incl how to live without that level of control sicne she died and why they can do this to one child and not another, how does that work? what was so wrong with me in particular
I don't mean to be a downer, but just something that I feel needs to be said. I'm not targeting anyone or anything specific here.
When certain things get attention on a larger scale, especially things that are not generally understood by all people, it can make issues look less serious. People who don't know jack or just like to hear themselves talk just move their lips for the sake of doing so. Ironically, it can make it even harder to get support and it feels like there's an imaginary peeing contest going on instead of open dialogue and discussion.
And I'm just going to stop right there because this is something that frustrates me and I should keep my more personal opinions to myself.
Anyways, I'm tired and I have stuff to do but never enough time. Cutting into my sleep = not fun, not worth it. Night y'all!
@Torremp
Thank you for your input on this... I hear what you are saying. Its likely that some topics will be more relevant than others. And at times there is no specific topic and you are welcome to share as you wish, or ask for ideas and information. I think there is a collective knowledge and wisdom within this group and all can contribute and support each other... often see this going on in the threads. You are welcome here, welcome to ask, welcome to join in. Hoping that you find the support you are looking for. x
@rozie
Heheh, yeah, it's hard for me to put what I'm thinking in words sometimes. When it comes to the thing more relevant to trauma co, going to act this weekend (I think) so we will see.
Trauma co. is cool. Elsewhere, not so much.
Narcissism's been getting attention in media. People say it's an excuse and that people like us are just whining. You know, saying stuff like "my parents spanked me [or maybe "my parents were spanked" would be more appropriate for the times?] and I turned out fine". And it makes you out to be the problem when you actually aren't.
Just to convey where else the feeling is similar: PCOS. Now it seems everybody, their grandmother, and their aunt's hairdresser's nephew's hamster has it. (I think a photo of an Indian woman who grew out her beard became popular?) Before, people were saying "Nah, you're making up excuses and you're just fat and ugly", now they really mean it followed by a "oh shut up". I'm sure many people struggle with it, and maybe some struggle with similar symptoms but it is a mysterious condition for sure!
I give up.
@OPinyon
Whats up?
@OPinyon
are you okay?
@WaterLily16
Maybe
@WaterLily16
Thz for thinking of me🙃
@WaterLily16
So.You are being so kind to reach out. And what i've share below may be just...too much. Please don't let it keep you from reaching out to pthers in the future. Ehst ypu shares in one od your Feed posts is very true... it's important to reach out ...even ehen someone else hasnt shoen up for awhile.
Did you know that that the verb which gets translated from the Navajo as meaning "to help"...literally means "to chase after/go after someone"? Such big hearts!
Below, I shared how I felt and at length and why. (I regret if it burdens you in any way)
@WaterLily16
Well...you asked. So i'd say... there are aloy of ways i'm...working on it. And whay frustrates me is thst when i reach out for help or comfoet or just to claim something awkward on this site....i get slammed.
I don't feel like admitting my difficult feelings is allowed on this site. E.g. no empathy; also no understanding that owning those feeling IS healthy.
To own those here...wherr it is supposedly safe, and where i will supposedly receive comfort empathy support or at least a kind hand ...and be told to "be positive" or tuck it away where it won't disturb others ...it sucks big time. (And honestly, it triggerme around abandonment issues; around a long history of veing told my feelings arent important amd not to ve respected addressed accepted...HEARD.
To be told to talk to a Listener. You know those Listeners who also tell you..".it's too much...but ...you should still stay on this site and hey..good luck with all that messy stuff!
I have alot of positive things to share too...poems, things that have worked for me....but why do it ...if the rest of me is shunned, not comforted? If only the Blue Sky Self is alled a presence?
i feel like there's a double standard here..
SOME people get: ... surrounded with support; apologized to; given their own blanket fort with zealous guardians at the gate.
SOME people get to freak out meltdown...JUDGE...and everyone sings "kumbaya...we love you we're here for you".
So...i guess after 6 months of trying to find support (and be a support here) ... My Question Is: Where is the Island of Misfit Toys....for the rest of us?
@WaterLily16 .So. ypu're probsbly sorry you asked right? Too intense. Too much. Ypu're vwry kind to care. To reach out. I hope this doesnt stop you from doing that again.
To speak in " I tatements".... there's a hurdle I still haven't gotten over: mixed messages. I may be hypersensitive to them-- a partial legacy from decades of gaslighting, perhaps.
Decades of ...harm couched in terms of belonging, "family", loyalty and "I Love You". Decades of being told (& accepting) that I am responsible for everyone ELSE'S feelings and reactions.... AND thst MY feelings aren't important, aren't allowed; are never appropriate;...don't exist.
So here i am putting myself back together on another level ...MORE progress on my healing road.
And ...I'm angry st myself....for believing people agsin...for falling for it...ehen they said it was safe here. When thry said all were welcome.
I'm frustrated...and confused... whst do I do with this -- this messaged of "Please reach out; Don't Isolate!"...couched in terms of "You're Unpalatable" and "Go Away."
@OPinyon
Thank you for sharing with us..listening to your story and hearing how mixed messages have been part of this, I'm sorry that you've been feeling that here too.We are trying to be inclusive of everyone, but we may not always get it right. What would make a difference for you?
I know it can take a litlte time to find a listener who is able to be alongside and support you.And some listeners are not so able to support in the area of trauma, and its up to them to communicate this in a positive manner.. and it sounds like this hasn't happened for you. Could be there is someone here in the trauma community.
In appreciation of how you're putting it together for yourself and your courage and resilience on the healing journey. x
@RedHawk6547
Sorry we didn't get to talk further.
🎵🎼So long...farewell"🎶
,👋👋
@RedHawk6547
If interested, see the above I wrote in response to WaterLily. Please know I am here for you and if ypu want to talk, including about difficult things...I care. I'll listen.
@OPinyon
Thank you. Please know I am here to support you too., during both difficult and good times.
@RedHawk6547
Ta. R we chatting soon...or at all?
I really let it all hang put here these past few times. AND did in Forum/Subcomm. Which I had promised myself not to do. (Sigh)😖😟😫😜
@RedHawk6547
Guess it didnt work out to chat. This is/was...OPinyon.
Signing off. Deactivating. Deleting
Finding...another way. 🤗👋💓💌
@RedHawk6547
Take care Red. (OPinyon)
Am deleting my Feed and my account.
I feel worse about myself since coming here. Clearly...not a good fit. Thanks for ypur kindness.
Hi @rozie and everyone in Trauma SubCommunity. Also @pinkfluffyUnicorns8706 and @Anomalia @korsbarella @kindDay4067 and @emsworld (congrats on your new official role!)
This is part of my high anxiety I think, checking to see that or know that I am safe - like all the time. Yes, it *is* exhausting. And this is probably part of why it is hard for me to sleep at night lately. I did have a nap today though! I DID IT! For a large part of 2017 and most of 2018, it has been very hard to give myself naps. I need them for I am mentally exhausted (physically too, sometimes) but I don't know, I feel like I somehow don't deserve it or ???? something.
I met a new counselor today, 2nd meeting. Whether I choose to see her as my main counselor or not, I need to figure out how to tell my current therapist that I'm leaving. It is weird. I left a counselor before, but that was because of graduation and moving to another town; so that counselor (and myself too) knew the separation was upcoming.
So much in my head, way too much for thinking about and being this much awake at midnight. Time for last walk outside, and snacks for my SFO and myself, then meds and pajamas. Good night, 7cups! and Definitely .... HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHUMM! I love you, little brother! 
~ Platy
P.S. All of you? My younger brother is pretty much awesome. He is a man now (lol) and certainly taller than I am, but he'll always be my little brother I think. He is married and has two! children. I hope for his birthday he may have gotten to sleep in? or to go to bed "early." If I were there I'd give him lots of hugs and offer to make (or buy haha) lunch. And play with him with my nephew and niece. It was strange this year to not be with him today. I love you, my Chumm. xoxo, "Platy"
@cyanPlatypus6370
Night, night Platy and that SFO... and hoping you sleep now, being assured that you are safe. Glad to hear you are getting those naps too. x