Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Tuesday 14th November 2017
Good morning all!
Today's quote ... "Its in your responses that I start to see the reality and truth."
Research has shown that having our perception of childhood trauma, and its adverse effect on us, validated, is an essential part of healing. With the experience of trauma comes shame,... that we didn't realise what was going on, that we didn't do enough to stop it, that we were fooled by the abuser. Shame is about feeling something is wrong with us. That's where we need a safe place with witnesses to our story, others listening and responding, letting us know that it wasn't normal.So that we can begin to know our truth.We are believed, our story validated.Its powerful.
And here in our community, as we share something of our story, as we listen to others and as we respond to them its creating the opportunity for validation.I see this. And what a difference it makes to know that in our trauma family others understand, that we don't have to prefix what we are saying with "This may sound crazy......" we just know how it is.
And we'll give the final words to that lovable bear Winnie the Pooh... "A little consideration, a little thought for others. makes all the difference."
How is your day going? Can you remember a time when being validated made a difference? It takes courage to share,there is no pressure, only when you are ready. This is your space and a safe place. Love to hear from you. x
@rozie Hi Rozie!!! Hope you are doing fine. Your post is extremely validating, in a sense that becoming conscious of Childhood Trauma brought forth a high energy within me. I was struggling with moderate to severe depression and social anxiety for years. I was not slightly aware of the effect of neglected childhood in my life. Then, I read one book by Dr. Jonice Webb. "Running On Empty". The book is about childhood trauma. But not in the plain eye. It is the invisible trauma of Childhood Emotional Neglect. That ws really an eye opener. Before reading the book, I could not truly connect the dots of my life. Before reading the book I could not understand how my childhood is deficient and what went wrong in the very early years which is still effecting me profoundly. A quote from the book will illustrate the point: "It is not about what happened in your childhood, it is about what did not happen." (But should had happened for proper emotional growth).
In the truama community, I am writing a log/diary about my journey to healing. You are welcome to read and comment there.
@butters45
So glad to have you here with us!.Thank you for sharing the effect that this book had for you... sounds like just the one for you.. the one that awakened you to what had happened..to what you had missed in your childhood. I'm noting the name and author of this book, as it coild be helpful for others too. I do think that books that come into our hands, words that are spoken, movies that are watched , are often what we need at the time.Wondering if what Pete Walker has written on reparenting would be helpfuL you can find him on Google.
Good that you are writing too, and iwill follow your journey. That's a way of having witnesses to your story.x
@rozie Thanks Rozie!!!
@rozie
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@rozie
Being validated is definitely healing. Before I discovered 7 cups, I had never been validated for any of what I went through, in part because I had never shared stuff with many people and the people I did share stuff to made me feel very invalidated and that was a massive (and still sort of is) blow for me. I felt like I was making an issue and overreacting to things, I felt like my experiences were minimalized for the convenience of others. The nature of the things I've experiences make it very hard for me to tell anyone because of social pressure and the possible repercussions they may have on my family, and so I basically only find validation here and with my amazing listeners!
It's hard to work on healing in silence... When I have bad days I dont feel like I can let it show as I worry people will question why. When I am triggered by things in public, I have to keep my shit together at least until I get home and Im in a safe place where I can cry if I need to. It's extremely isolating and because few people know the stuff ive been through, I often feel like people don't care about me. Which I know in't true, it's just I cant tell people in my real life why I feel the way I do, or why I am the way I am sometimes. Why I have panic attacks at random shit, or why I cry over stuff or why I'm weird about stuff sometimes.
A big part of me wishes it were out in the open and everyone knew and I could just be true to people about how I feel. But I know that's not possible, at least not for now. And so for now, here is my only safe place and my listeners are the only people I can cry to, and vent to, and feel validated by. <3
@WaterLily16
@WaterLily16
Yes being validated is healing.... as you know from being here and with your listeners. And you make an important point here Lily.... others can see us as over reacting, want us to forget the past, or minimalize our experience for their conveniience. And that can feel like a double blow and make us retreat into silence and isolation. So finding a safe place with people who understand and can support and validate is so precious and important. Its in relationship we are hurt , and its in relationship we heal. x
@rozie Another crap sleep lol. Woke up way too early and couldn't properly settle again. Thankfully there's nothing on my plate today, so I can and will do my best to prioritize self care.
Feeling the mental fatigue manifest as anxiety bordering on hyper-vigilance. Am trying my best to interpret that distorted message as encouragement to rest. Attempting to be kind and compassionate to myself, rather than absorb the passing sensations as a sign that danger is imminent, or self condemnation is at all warranted.
Regarding validation, it's been vital to my painstakingly slow recovery.
Period.
@rozie
Hey dear. Hope you are good yourself?
I was hoping that moving to my new home would help me. But it didn't. Nightmares are back. Panics are back. Dissociation is back. Insomnia is as well. It's like what my last psychiatrist said: I can't heal. I'm stuck in this bad dream. I feel like loosing hope, really. But here I am, still trying lol...
@Zombii
Yes I'm good, and glad that you are here with us. Sounds really tough for you at the moment. But depite this you are still trying, and i want to affirm you for this. Are you able to get some support, like seeing a therapist who works with trauma?
We are holding on to hope with you. The hope that there is a way through this.,.And many of us here know that recovery and healing from trauma is possible. Its a long and slow journey that requires patience and compassion, and its in relationship with others. So be encouraged to take one step at a time,.. being here is a step. Hug! x
@lightCoconut3470
@rozie
Hi Rozie and folks.
Been a rough time for me as of late. I'm in the middle of finishing up my last class before the deadline and my advisor was doing this thing where they were nudging me a bit to get on with it but also...I don't know... I wasn't expecting a call from them today, so I ended up knocking over stuff and accidentally answered with my white noise app on so maybe it sounded obscene because I was listening to binaural beat vibration kinda things XD LOL. OMG. I'm really flustered right now. Embarrassed. While I was picking up stuff and putting it back he was laughing at me. It's just... damn it... I know I come off as incredibly irresponsible. Scatter-brained, air-headed.
But I just don't want to reveal the truth to these outsider kinda people in my everyday life. That it's taken me around ten years to even be able to talk to people on the phone, to pass tests, to leave the house with confidence, to work through my trauma/PTSD/anxiety/phobia and not to mention the recovery from my chaotic home-life with someone abusive that I'm trying to leave. I've been researching different approaches and ways to do things but my stamina is horribly lacking. I can only study for a little bit and then I feel really tired or can't concentrate. I used to not be able to get out of bed some days- now I'm able to do that. Feel like crying. Because I can't expect people to understand what I've been through- I need to just "woman up" and get things done. So, here I am... trying to get things done.
@CaloenasNicobarica Hey hon, it's great to see you it's been a while. I think you're doing awesome. And I hear ye on the Bubblehead Moments lol chexck my feed, you'll see lol. Hang in there hon, slow down and take one thing at a time. 
Not my best day or my best week, but I will find a way to get through it, I always do.
Now if only I could miss work and just curl up and sleep for a couple days the world might be a better place.
@EMSFireChic1985 Sorry for the rough one hon. Huge Hugs. I hope you can switch it off for the night and get some rest, I'm here if you need me my friend.
Hey guys,
i havent posted like this before but I wanted to see how everyone is doing and I also wanna thank everyone for all the love and support being spread here!
