Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Tuesday 21st November 2017
Good morning all!
Thinking about new memories today. Recently I read in the check-in of those who were planning to create some new memories, like doing Thanksgiving in a new and different way.And talking with with family on skype the other morning, I was reminded of how precious memories can be. We started producing photos of happy times a few years ago, and even though our grandaughters had been quite young at the time, they could remember the day so well and the memories flowed, as we felt so connected and close through sharing this.
"A happy memory is a hiding place for "unforgotten treasures."
So we have the opportunity now to create new memories, positive memories of special moments, of a special place.,of times that we share with our loved ones. Building up positive memories means we have something to draw on, images of these times, places and people that we can bring to mind. Some find that bringing up these images can make a difference when its dark and distressing,or simply lift your mood.Declaring a happy memory Tuesday.. let's store some "unforgotten treasures."
How are you doing today? How do positive memories help you? Or are you planning to create some new memories? Or pop in to say hi! You are welcome here. This is your space and a safe place. Love to hear from you. x
@rozie
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@rozie Foggy head today. Despite the inner murkiness, am grateful that there is finally sunshine outside, after several dull days of intermittent rain/snow. Had to endure some particularly unsettling nightmares all night (but at least I slept!).
Woke up feeling extremely tense and anxious, almost but not quite triggered. Still trying my best to work through it. I have to venture out of house today to refill a prescription, and the added pressure of leaving my sanctuary when I'm already struggling to maintain a fine balance is adding to the difficult feelings.
One of those days where agoraphobia is especially potent thanks to exacerbating circumstances. Regardless, it has to be done. Will look forward to soothing myself afterwards with something special for lunch and lots of rest.
Feeling extra sensitive and frankly needy today, trying to keep a lid on my inner critic (who tries to use such feelings as leverage to escape and attack) while everything passes through. ❤️⛺
@melliotm
Its good to hear you have sunshine there today, so when you venture out there will be warmth and light. But sounds like its not an easy day to do this, so as you've said taking good care of yourself on your return is very necessary. Hoping that you're are able to settle in now. x
@melliotm
Hey Mel,
I know you practise a lot of mindfullness, so I hope that staying present in the moment will help you with your trip today. Once when it's done and over with, remember to feel proud of the work you did overcoming fears. One thing I also try to do after a successful excursion is to use the experience to logic to myself why it can be done again next time. Like whatever it is that causes your agoraphobia, try to show how it doesn't affect the present moment anymore, or why the fears don't actually "make sense." For instance, I used to feel like everyone judged me and could see how awful I was doing, but if you look around you see everyone's absorbed with their own stuff.
I'm not sure I'm explaining this well at all. If not just ignore me haha
Have a good rest of your day, I'll be thinking about you, sending positive feelings :)
@Hoxenos Trip was actually completed yesterday (there appears to be no check in thread for Wednesday yet) and it went fine, thanks. 😊Wouldn't go so far as to call the experience 'enjoyable,' but it was done, and I'm glad I did it (along with shopping, lunch and a few other errands). Staying present in the moment is integral for basic functionality/stability I find.
Hope all is well with you -- how was your trip btw?
@melliotm
Ahhh ok. Well I'm glad that it went relatively well! I love how it started out as one thing, but you were able to add some more things onto it. I know I do this too because it's easier to stay out than it is to get out initially. Being aware of that can help with planning I suppose, though.
You've inspired me to go out to do an errand I need to do today, so thank you for that! ^^
And thanks so much for asking! My trip was amazing. Full of challenges as I was meeting a ton of people from the internet and there was crowds constantly (I went to Blizzcon if you know what that is. A gaming convention with around 30k people O_O). But after I went back to my long distance partner's place and got to visit him for a couple weeks where we got to just stay in and recuperate after all the activity. It was lovely putting so many faces to online monikers ^^
@Hoxenos I'm pleased to have inspired you, Hox. It's really about being in the moment, allowing for flexibility and finding that balance. I'm just glad that it worked out (and I made it to and from without getting triggered -- seemingly small but significant victories lol).
Ohhh that's the big West Coast WoW fest right? I'm not a gamer myself, but I know it's a big thing among such circles (having many friends within the gaming community). I hope YOU feel proud of yourself for straying so far outside of your comfort zone and into a hectic scenario where sensory/social overload needs to be managed/regulated.
Am glad to hear you had a good time all around, including the opportunity to spend time with your long distance bae (dawww). I've also done the long distance thing in the past. IRL visits are priceless. 😊
@melliotm Yes, WoW is part of Blizzard but my main game is actually Heroes of the Storm which is their MOBA (Multiplayer online battle arena) which just means 5v5 team game. Me and the bae actually met through it ^^ We're hoping to move together in about three months, but I have to get a Visa which will be a whole new can of worms :P But that's ok as it will all be worth it in the end !!
i was at bus stop today andphysical fight all most broke out.
I am really dhocking up by what happen.
I am not sure if feel safewithout knowing if something like that would happen agaign.
@reachforgoals
Oh I'm so sorry to hear you've witnessed this today.. sounds really upsetting for you. Have you someone there with you? Its likely you will be in shock. So looking after youself, keeping warm, and talking with family or friends can help. We are here in support too and you can chat with a listener 1-1 too. Thinking of you. x
Hello ! Memories for us with trauma are an interesting subject. Ive read that it is easy for our bodies/ minds to hold onto negative memories easier than positive ones and for myself this hold true. I dont have much memory of the majority of my childhood and only small chunks of my teen years. The memories I have held onto are overwhelming of the negative aspects of these times.
Right now I am working on building new memories that are positive ones- trying my best to be mindful and present in my interactions and taking the time each morning to review things in my life I am grateful for. I am off to the hospital shortly to cuddle with my 5 day old grandson and I am going to treasure every minute detail of him! I am so proud of my daughter - I havent heard her complain about anything once even though she is limping around. I was concerned about how well she would show attachment to her son once he was born but she hasnt left his side and this definitely doesnt appear to be an issue. This week for me staying with them is all about helping them out and creating positive memories for her (and me) and he gets to come from NICU Today 2 days early! 👍😊
@purpleWest8143 Dawww congrats on you family's addition! My mum was a neonatal nurse so I often was regailed of stories to do with the little ones. But I am also the youngest in my family and therefore babies scare me a lot!
I admire your perseverance and hope with making new good memories. I guess one of the good sides of living with trauma is we certainly know what NOT to do to create good memories for our families. I've heard being a gramda can be great because you get all the perks of playing with kids, without having the boundary problems parents have to deal with like discipline. So here the fun begins!! ^^
@Hoxenos lol thank you!
@purpleWest8143
Oh congratulations on the arrival of your little grandson, and to the new mun too! I can see you treasuring him so much and making lovely memoreis together with your daughter How precious is a new life.
Yes I realised this was a sensitive topic as so many, like yourself, have mostly negative memories from chilhood and that's sad. However there is the opportunity to go on and create new and positive memories.and i'm sure that's what you will be doing.x
@rozie
Happy Thanksgiving! hope you do get to make those new good memories.
I'm going to need to follow on that train for Christmas! Just hope I can remember.
@PenguinsCrossing
Thank you... and hoping you get to make some new and good memories at Christmas. Don't forget! x
@rozie
Hi Rozie, I wasn't able to reply yesterday, but wanted to still share. The subject of "memories" especially as they relate to the holidays is incredibly painful for me to expand upon. My memories of holidays (or most any day) growing up were not good..tons of screaming, yelling, swearing, arguing, etc. Somehow I was to blame for most everything that went awry around the holidays, & my consequences were severe & punitive. My parents died when I was 26, and my sisters (who hated me growing up), made it clear in writing and verbally that they wanted NOTHING to do with me anymore (following my parents funeral). They were both abusive toward me growing up, & have much dysfunction & drama in their lives, that I think it is for the best that they cut ties several years ago. So, that being said..I have no other family members still living, & have not had any family, or any friends in my life for many years. I will spend this Thanksgiving alone, as I do every other holiday. I'll cook some turkey, stuffing, and a green bean casserole for myself & my dogs. I have bad memories looking back, and it's pretty challenging to create "new" good/happy memories when year after year it's the same old lonely, empty, joyless holiday (season). I barely have enough money to eek by paying my rent & utilities this time of the year, so shopping for anything extra isn't an option. I really have no desire to decorate my home for the holidays because it feels so pointless. I've come to dread the holidays more and more year after year, & in the past four years I've had three very serious suicide attempts following the holidays (Jan 3, Jan 5, & Jan.24). I've tried doing volunteer work during the holidays, but it only worked to deepen my depression, and there was always way more volunteers than was needed, so I stopped signing up. I do my best on Thanksgiving & Christmas to pretend/convince myself that it's "just an ordinary calendar day." I don't mean to sound pessimistic, just realistic. At my age, I really don't believe, or have any hope that the future holds any opportunities for "new" better/happier memories. I have spent decades of holidays at home alone, and this year will only be more challenging and painful withOUT my therapy dog, Boo, who died two weeks ago. She got me through 17 years of. difficult holidays at home alone, & her absence will be impossible to ignore, or distract myself from. I wish I had busy, bustling, festive, holidays, filled with plans, spent with loved ones, & packed with special activities and traditions. But my life is what it is, and with autism and the relational & other challenges that come with it, my life will be what it will be. For years I've worked so hard on, & failed at overcoming relational challenges and the barriers to forming meaningful and close relationships, & making friends. But I think it would make sense at my age, to do a reality check, and to accept that in this world I will always remain on my own, alone, as a loner. I honestly wish I could erase ALL my memories of holidays, because the only ones I have...are sad, UNpleasant, and painful to look back upon.
@caterpillargirl
Hi Cat, its aways good to hear from you. And sorry that holidays are not easy for you ... and the memories aren't good either. Yet you continue to push on with courage and determination. I think of you and your beloved dogs, and yes i know you will be missig Boo so much. In time hoping you will have some memories of the good times with his precious therapy dog who helped you through. Then you are gifted with children.. they sense this and respond to you. Do they make you smile at times? Thinking of you. x
