Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Tuesday 26th June 2018

@rozie

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@KLM3278

May I ask you a question? I thought of you because I know you believe in God, so I figure you may have some insight. But anyone else who has a view, please chip in.

So, Ive just been to a bible group, and we talked about baptism. One of the verses we looked at was in Acts (I think). Something about if the wife believes in God the husband shouldnt divorce her as he is redeemed by her faith, and vice versa, and also any child of theirs. But if they divorce, the child is similarly faithless. Something like that. Anyway, this really hurt me, as I felt it was saying a child in a Christian household is of greater value than a child in a non Christian household, and it seemed to me the group agreed with this notion. As if a child in a non Christian house is a second class citizen.

Am I getting this wrapped round my neck, or is this Christianity? I thought we were all equal, and this has really got to me that a child should be judged in the eyes of God based on their parents faith, or lack of it.

Hi Rozie

My day has been ok, everything has gone smoothly, nothing bad has happened, but I feel so awful. I feel like I am drowning. I really need a hug.

I want people to know that telling me to calm down does not fix anything. That when I ask someone to stop something it is because I feel like I am about to break down, I am not trying to ruin their fun, I am trying to protect us.

Love and hugs

My mean landlirdbis coming home today and I'm avoiding her. She just adds rule after rule

@rozie thank you Rozie.

I have not written for a while as been very ashamed of not coping. That took over all my energy just to say it and admit i was denying myself water to hurt more. I told therapist who thinks it may be another form of self harm or self hate or sabotaging my body yet again.

I am trying to change and work has not been as trigerring, so easier this week. Temperature been high though so probably still dehydrated as walking alot.

Hubby and I been talking about trying again too. If i can face the clinic at least. He knows i struggle with guilt and grief and ptsd from the traumatic loss last year. But if we dont try i lose that hope too and more grief i cannot handle. We will talk to them about surrogacy too, so have that option if my self hate becomes dangerous .

I have major issues with blaming myself and past depression and borderline has flared badly. I push away on here and irl as feel i will lose you all too. Its what happens always so just accept it and isolate. We lost so many people in the last year that i cant face more dying or leaving us. I know i cant stop it.

Im sorry for everyones struggles and trauma and am so very proud of the fight you put up against stigma and your own demons.

Thank you for this safe space to say things im afraid to voice even to myself. Safe hugs

Hi rozie

I couldn't go to dance today because I had to get out of the area fast :(

Maybe next time :(

My therapist wants me to do EMDR. And that scares me. I know I shouldn

I decided to get my paints out today and I did some paintings. I saw about the poster event and I planned on making a poster, but it turned out to be more of just inspirational paintings. I really like the background on this first one.

Also, to answer about the question of lack of understanding about PTSD, I've been having a huge issue with that in my life lately, I'm actually starting to think I may have been misdiagnosed since C-PTSD and BPD can look so alike, but when I've read about the symptoms they present differently in C-PTSD than in BPD, and the overlapping ones are more like the C-PTSD presentation than the BPD one. This is hard for me because I go into panic attacks when my PTSD get triggered, but lately I've been treated poorly by professionals especially because they think I'm acting out and being manipulative because of the BPD diagnosis where in reality I'm just panicking to the point that the only thing I know how to do in that moment is rock back and forth or lay down on the floor in the fetal position crying.