Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Tuesday 29th May 2018
Hello lovely Trauma family
Today I'm going to talk about tears and try to normalise tears and gref as a very necessary part of recovery and healing. How often do we feel a sadness? How often do we feel the tears well up? and then the tears flow.. tears of sorrow, tears of release, tears of healing.
"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messages of overwhelming grief. of deep contrition ,and of unspeakable love." Washington Irving.
When one consider tears and grief, its about mourning for losses.And we more usually connect this with a death of a loved one, or the loss of health, a career, a pet. However there a soul ache in those who have been through trauma, for the losses that have come through this. Pete Walker, author of "Complex CPTSD : From Surviving to Thriving" says that survivors grieve for many painful death-like losses caused by childhood trauma. like the loss of safety and belonging. the loss of having early attachment needs met. So in allowing the tears and grieving we are able to mourn for what was lost to us in our childhoods and through the trauma we went through. Its okay to cry. And to be comforted..... (to be contd)
How is your day going ? How do you see grieving in relation to recovery and healing trauma? Or pop in to say hi! You're welcome here. This is your space and a safe place. x
@rozie I dont understand why I keep beating myself up in my head. Theres nothing bad Ive done. And I dont even think most of my worry comes from the way someone else has treated me. Im just sick of things not going my way and not turning out nicely. Everything is that hard and cold and miserable that I just feel turned off even trying anymore. I am over it. I honestly dont know how to feel any better than just very blah all the time.
crying has always been kind of complicated for me. emotions are hard for me to understand, so half the time i don't even know why i'm crying unless i'm very angry/frustrated or anxious. it's kind of just like my body goes through the motions of having emotions while my brain just...doesn't, i guess?
that aside, it's just uncomfortable to cry anyways. i don't really let myself cry unless i absolutely can't stop myself from doing so. plus i would get told to suck it up a lot or that i was just throwing a temper tantrum when i'd cry so....yeah. :/
Today has been an okay day for the most part. :) I have been working on a smoking cessation program so it has been a little up and down with the cravings and all but still was successful at cutting back...so that's a plus. :)
Tears and grief, that is a hard one for me. I don't cry. I don't think I have the ability to. There is one in the system that physically makes me cry to try to help me express what I should be feeling, but that just feels foreign to me. I am so uncomfortable with it that all I can do is try to make them stop.
Then again I don't cope with grief well at all either. I am trying to work on that with some coping skills classes but I am still just trying to learn how to feel and be okay with feeling. I stay in a state of apathy most of the time, so much that in the system that is what they call me. Apathy or Appy as a nickname.
@rozie everything just hurts rozie 
@Sparky1 I bought the book now
@Sparky1
I know.. hugs. x
I cant seem to get anyone to understand , they listen yet they dont hear me.
All they do is push me, now its a priority that l tell them everything that happened to me . Why? Why was it never a priority for them to open their eyes to see what was happening?
But no , suddenly now its a must , l understand they need information l get that.
They leave afterwards and go back to whatever life they lead , but me Im left with a crazy head that I have no idea how to stop .
They then come back the next day and the talking starts over again , they dont hear me . To them its an investigation to me its my life.
@sincereJar9515
I really hope that you don't think that I am trying to push you and I try really hard to listen to you all the time. I care about you a lot. I want what is best for you. If they don't understand can you use different words to help them understand or even me if you think I don't understand? Maybe ask them what don't you understand? I know sometimes I need to use different words with my husband, sons, therapist, doctors and friends and even folks here on 7cups.
I think it wasn't a priority before is because everything was hidden and was a secret and now you were brave enough to speak up and they are all just trying to document everything. You are doing awesome speaking up for yourself and getting the help that you need.
That crazy head are thoughts and feelings on what is going on and what happen. I promise you it will get better.
@sincereJar9515
Yes I can understand how tough this is for you.. to be expected to talk to provide the infornation they need.. and yet to feel that they listen, but they don't hear. And you are left with it all when they go. Wondering if writing would help or drawing.. finding a way to get this out of your head. And know that we are here with you, we will hear you, we know what its like.we understand and have empathy for you. x