Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Tuesday 6th February 2018
Greetings to you all!
Thinking of a bear who loves honey, and of course you know who it is, none other than Winnie the Pooh. .. "He climbed and he climbed and he climbed, and as he climbed he sang a little song to himself. Isn't it funny how a bear likes honey. Buzz! Buzz! Buzz!" The prospect of honey cheers him, and he goes after it despite the bees. The taste of honey comforts him and he likes this. He knows how good honey is for him.
We talked about how others may simply need some comfort. And we can give them this. But how about for ourselves..probably not so easy....yet we need comfort too. I was watching a video presented by Tara Brach, author of "Radical Acceptance." and she was describing how we can move from being the harsh judge in our mind to the open tenderness of the heart.through what she calls a "gesture of kindness."
How? Through these 3 steps.. Firstly observe your thoughts, be witness to them. (They are thoughts, not you) Secondly. mindfully feel your feelings..name the feeling and if it hurts, say so.. "ouch, it hurts" or 'this is suffrering" And thirdly by being in touch with your suffering, you are more able to comfort yourself .. to release self compassion. She suggests with a hand on your heart you can then speak words of comfort.. in a "gesture of kindness." It resonated with me so wanted to share this with you.But as with any information and ideas, in the end its about the fit for you. There are many ways of comforting oneself.
How is your day going? What do find is comforting for you? Or pop in to say hi! Love to hear from you.. This is your space and a safe place. x
@rozie
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❤️⛺
Thank you @melliotm!! 🤗💜
How are you doing today?
@BeeLeigh ❤️ My pleasure ⛺ I'm relatively alright, apart from feeling somewhat cranky now that a camel is once again appended to my username (in forums anyway), despite having opted out of animal icons. Trying my best to be patient while I wait for an explanation from admin as to why preferred user display settings have apparently been overridden (including yours, in case you are posting via mobile app and can't see -- the forums are back to being a zoo).
@rozie
hi
@sensitiveShade5337
Hi Shade! How are you today?? 😊💜
@BeeLeigh
bad... but I'll say I'm fine
@sensitiveShade5337
What
@BeeLeigh
it doesn't matter if I say it or not... does it?
It's really hard to describe this but I'll try to.Change happens gradually.It's like you're in a boat and you slowly move away from the coast further and further into the unknown.I think I'm at a point where I went so far away from coast that all I can see is only sky and water all around me.All that I knew, all that I moved away from isn't even visible anymore how far it's and I'm not even sure if I want to go back but sitting in that boat in the middle of nowhere under sky full of stars is also quite scary and I feel unsure what I even went for when I started to move away.So yeah...Just feeling lost and really unsure, uncertain and puzzled to where to go now or where I even want to go.Really weird time and sometimes anxiety, fear kicks in about what I even try to achieve, do and whether it's good.I hope it's.It's just...I dunno.Words don't come to me and it's just...ugh.
@Morfo66
Agree change happens gradually. Really have a picture of you out in that boat. having moved away from the shores where its familar. And now with only the sea and sky and stars, you're feeling lost and puzzled and fearful .. like where to from here, or why did i leave what I know. I think this is a normal part of change. To feel a bit lost for a time. Until you see a glimmer of light from the lighthouse that will draw you to it. x
@rozie Um, I would say my day went okay. I'm too stressed out to given an honest opinion, too biased right now. Woah, I've cared for myself before but how can someone comfort themself? By saying "it's okay" and all? It doesn't usually work because it's me telling it to myself and I know it's not okay.
@Anj0806
Good to have you here with us., and hoping you are able to manage the stress a little. You raise a very good point.. its isn't easy to comfort oursleves. You are not alone in this. As @purpleWest says in the next post its something we're not taught,And what she says about how we comfort a friend can be helpful in learning to comfort ourselves. The 'hand on heart' also, as the heart is the center of feelings, and may just evoke a comforting response. But often to begin with to have somoene else with us to do the comforting, until we are able to do it for oursleves. Its gradual with no presssure that we are able to become more self compassionate. x
@Anj0806 like Rozie mentions below, I have personally found that reaching out to someone in my support system in times when I am unable to care / comfort myself can be helpful. This can be a professional or someone I
The thought of providing comfort to oneself is definitely challenging and prob one most of us have never been taught. My big ahah moment came last year when attending a trauma focussed practise conference for work and they asked the question of why we have so much trouble doing this? It was presented in the way that just when a friend is suffering we might comfort them by sitting with them, giving them a hug, making them tea etc. We need to give ourselves permission and compassion to comfort ourselves In these same ways we would to someone else we care about 😉
Im doing so so today. Battling some chaotic sleep patterns with a new med after a period of really stable sleep. Im hopeful this med will help with my concentration and focus as I have a new Diagnosis of ADD on top of my PTSD and Im somewhat anxious to get back to work. Ive been working really hard in therapy all year while Ive been off work and this is the last piece of the puzzle so my fingers are crossed!!!
@purpleWest8143
Thank you for sharing your big "ahah" moment with us.. Its very helpful. 
Really hear how hard you have been working in therapy this year. And how much you would like to get back to work. Fingers crossed too that this works for you. x
@rozie right?! Thinking about it in this context just made a lightbulb go off for me lol it is very easy for us to comfort others but not ourselves. We also spoke about this in my trauma skills group today about how we as trauma survivors sometimes tend to migrate towards caregiving as a way to avoid our own feelings. I think that this may have been a big subconscious thing for myself as well - never having been taught good self care and self comfort techniques as my mother was also a trauma survivor. Her coping technique was to constantly take care of EVERYONE around her- neighbours, friends, siblings etc. After numerous big T. traumas in my own life, I felt like I was a survivor and wanted to help others and went into an extremely challenging caregiving profession (I hadnt actually taken the time to deal with my traumas though). It wasnt until the ongoing exposure to traumatic situations in my work made me realize I was actually unwell and it was time to step back and show myself some compassion. I love how we are becoming more trauma informed in general although there is still so much more work to do ❤️. Thank you f or the kind wishes!
@purpleWest8143
Yes I agree! Think we often do gravitate towards caregiving and we are very good at this. As you were in your profession. But if we avoid our own issues in doing this we risk becoming overwhelmed, burnt out or being ill. Then we are forced to stop in our tracks and do our own healing. Its been my experience too. Helpers need to be very honest with themselves about their rationale for helping. x
A guy from my past is now talking with me and all of my emotions are flooding back.
@Rebekahwriter13
Are those emotions positive or negative?
@BeeLeigh
There are both but way more positive than negative.
@Rebekahwriter13
How are you doing today Rebekah?
@BeeLeigh
I'm all over the board today. My anxiety has me up but I am exhausted. When i do sleep my uti and sleep apnea has me sleeping 2 to 4 hours st a time. My endometriosis had me in pain.
With all of my physical aliments, it's been hard to focus on the guy in my life. We`re writing a new story and starting slow but I am not in there 100%. I know he isn't either.
