Traumatic Experiences Community Daily check-in Wednesday January 2nd 2019
Hi everyone! Sorry I'm so late. New Years resolutions are normally a big thing. But I want to discuss goals in a bigger sense.
How do you feel about new years?
How do you feel about resolutions? Are they generally effective? Are they easy?
How do you feel about goals? How do you normally make goals? Does your current goal process feel effective?
As always, if you don't want to answer these questions, feel free to check in normally and tell us how you're feeling.
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I've always found new years resolutions to never work out. I do have goals though, goals to continue facing my trauma to and maintain the courage to face my past. @Hoxenos
@sadcupoftea
Why do you feel that resolutions don't work out, but ongoing goals do? What does your current process for goal making and reaching look like, and are you happy with it?
Thanks so much for checking in and it's nice to see you today!
@Hoxenos heyy hox happy new year
How do you feel about new years?
i love when a new year starts it is like a fresh slate to start over and hope for a better year even if the past say 4 or 5 etc have been bad
How do you feel about resolutions? Are they generally effective? Are they easy?
im never good at sticking to my resolutions lol maybe i should start small with something more doable a smart goal
How do you feel about goals? How do you normally make goals? Does your current goal process feel effective?
i make a list of goals long term or short then try and figure out ways ill achieve that not sure if it is effective
@CaringBrit
I love fresh starts too. They have this air of "maybe I'm ready now" and "Perhaps I can leave the past behind now". I also like the short term goals and long term goals, but in long term goals, I find they need milestones so that they don't feel overwhelming or unattainable, and they also need a timeline so you can know if you're actually making progress or not. At least that's what works for me.
@Hoxenos some goals i have i cant think of baby steps for as they seem more difficult goals but true i agree
Hi everyone!
Happy New Year
@emotionalMaple9419 happy new year maple
how are you
@emotionalMaple9419
Happy New Year, Maple!!
Goals. I have some. One I think is to Learn how to stop believing the lies that were told to me and start believing The truths I know about myself and that I get from others in my life now who are positive.
@pioneeringBanana1598 those are awesome goals to be working on there
@pioneeringBanana1598
This is an amazing goal. Are there mini steps in getting to this goal that will help you see if you're making progress along the way, instead of seeing it as a binary no I'm not there yet/ yes I have got it down?
@Hoxenos
That
@pioneeringBanana1598
Hmm perhaps like, acknowledging when you are feeling that way, actively arguing each time, self talk that says the opposite of those negative thoughts, and then truly believing it. I feel like those are kind of like the steps involved. Perhaps you could keep a journal and write down whenever these thoughts/feelings happen, and how far you go on that checklist to combat them. It's ok if you don't go very far at first, but perhaps over time, if you're making sure you're stoping and fighting every automatic thought about self worth, then eventually you'll rebuild positive pathways to be thinking good things about yourself every time instead. This way ou'll have like.. a plan to follow and also a way to look back to judge and manage progress.
I've been trying really hard to do so many things that I enjoy and doing self care and surrounding myself with people I love but I'm still feeling pretty low and useless. not looking forward to another year of this
@Mashedpotato364 aww no seems as though your going through an extremly rough time right now
what coping methods do you use that work
@CaringBrit hi. Thanks for the reply. I am and I feel like I don't know what works anymore like it's getting to the point of nothing helping. Usually baths and getting outside and art help but it's like I've be come used to them if that makes sense?
@Mashedpotato364 yes it does make sense perfect sense maybe you need to find another set of cioping methods so you can switch when you get too used to them and vise versa so i use multiple methods gaming or movies when that fails art music if that fails something else
itts just finding the heklpful methods that can get frustrating
@CaringBrit💚
I do think that is something I have learned the past couple of years. Running used to be my go to coping strategy and I wouldn't do Anything else and was pretty obsessive about it because it was so necessary for me to function somewhat normally. Now that I have been having body issues and chronic pain I have had to expand my coping tool box. Nothing I've tried has come close to the relief otothaotothat running used to. I guess I'm having a hard time letting that go
@Mashedpotato364
Hi mashed, do you feel like there have been any overarching changes if you compare yourself to last year, or two years ago? Do you feel like you're improving, even if it's in long term ways instead of short term? Sometimes it can be really frustrating in recovery. We're always comparing against yesterday or last week, but it's not possible to improve every single day. Some days we're just maintaining, and some days we encounter new stresses or triggers that knock us down a few pegs. It doesn't mean we're going backwards, because evry time we claw ourselves back out again, we are stronger and more prepared for next time. Can you think of some ways in which you've improved over the long term? Like coping strategies or recovery times or something?
@Hoxenos💚
Thank you for your perspective sometimes I get so lost in my own perspective that its hard to see much else. You are right, two years ago almost, I could barely even get out of bed for months and now I can convince myself more easily and at least try and maintain where I'm at.
@Hoxenos
Dealing w right now is plenty. Shaky.
@ReallyRuth heyy ruth everything ok with you im here if youd like to talk
@CaringBrit
Thanks
@ReallyRuth
It's ok to accept that you need to focus on the current moment right now. Take every second as it comes and conquer it. Youa re strong and mighty. You've got this <3
Perhaps it's time for a relaxation exercise. Perhaps take a few minutes to get comfortable and imagine a safe place. It could be a place in nature, or some location from your past which makes you feel safe. Imagine that place, how it looked, sounded, smelled, felt, and sit there and breathe. You are allowed to take this moment for yourself, take this moment to be healthy and relaxed. You are allowed peace.
@Hoxenos
Thanks. Struggling
@Hoxenos hi
@crimsonLime6525
Hi Lime, I'm happy you checked in today. How are you feeling?
@Hoxenos I have no words
@crimsonLime6525
That's ok. Feelings are hard to pin down, or sometimes you don't even want to go there because who knows what'll be opened up. Is there anything more fluffy you want to talk about? Like.... what's your favourite colour? :)
@Hoxenos favourite colour is red
@crimsonLime6525 heyy there lime
@CaringBrit ❤️
@crimsonLime6525 ❤️ how are you feeling today im basck from self care so will be leading my discussions again this week
@CaringBrit not good. Will maybe find the courage to come to your discussion
@crimsonLime6525 would be good to see you there if you cant its understandable and aww would you like to talk about what has you not feeling good
@CaringBrit trying to face demons I
@crimsonLime6525 im here if you need me
@CaringBrit I just want to hide from my mind but that
@crimsonLime6525 aww lime you could try find some coping methods that help you take focus of your mind
@CaringBrit I
@crimsonLime6525 aww lime dont you think saying something can be a first step to the recovery you really want i do understand how you wish to take it back though
@CaringBrit think a lot of me is scared right now, so out my comfort zone even saying as much as I have. Im a coward
@crimsonLime6525 its very valid in how you feel saying the slightest thing can make us feel vulnerable and thats understandable your safe here lime your not a coward for wanting too retract what you said
@CaringBrit feel very emotional right now and can I just say thank you for your understanding. I
@crimsonLime6525 your welcome im proud of you for the little baby step you made in progress lime hugs if youd like one
@CaringBrit I will gladly take the hug
@crimsonLime6525 hugs xd
@CaringBrit thank you for being here
@crimsonLime6525 yw lime im not going anywhere either im here to stay
@CaringBrit takes me a lot of time to trust as been hurt a lot but I
@crimsonLime6525 i understand trust is the hardest to do when hurt alot its valid you have every right to take your time i completly understand as can relate to struggling to trust people myself
i am honoured you trusted just enough to share a lil bit it was a tiny bit but the saying goes rome wasnt built in a day and same with trust it takes time
im also proud you did theirs no rush to share more we go at your pace lime
@CaringBrit I feel stupid for not being able to do this, for not being stronger
@crimsonLime6525 you are stronger you are just protecting yourself and you have that right lime your choosing who you should trust or not or waiting til you do and thats ok
@CaringBrit it
@crimsonLime6525 it does make sense we can go at your pace their is no rush and i am here for you when you are ready to fully share everything your comfortable in sharing
sharing the tiny bit you did was a first step you also recognise and know you need to trust someone as need to let it out and thats good but their is no wrong in you being careful either you have that right too
@CaringBrit thank you 😭😭
@crimsonLime6525 aww yw -hugs-
@CaringBrit going to hide in the corner for a while now and leave you in peace
@crimsonLime6525 i can sit with you if youd like we could build a fort together
@CaringBrit I would like that, don
@crimsonLime6525 -helps build a fort and sitts with you-
I feel that New Years can be a good thing. It can also be a bad thing. It all depends on the circumstances. What I feel is good about it is that there is change. A new year to refocus. If the new year starts bad, you can change it. Things don't always go the way we plan but it just makes us stronger for the next try or resolve to moving on with a life lesson learned. Don't wait for the new year to refocus because you can do it anytime of the year. For me, I will focus on what is best for me. This year, I'm using the new year to refocus.
I don't like resolutions. If you want to do something, just do it. Create a milestone that can be tweaked. I don't want anyone to get discouraged because they did not accomplish their resolution and give up. If we don't succeed, then we dust off and try again. It is in failure that we become successful. Easy or not, we can achieve them. Be practical and allow yourself to fail.
I loved goals. I used to be like the goal seeker. I've not been doing so well lately. I lost my passion for goals. It could be because I don't really feel acknowledged by my loved ones. I used to be so proud of myself and it would be deflated by worries or issues right after my announcement. I realized one day that I was seeking attention for my accomplishments that I would literally text, call, email and talk about it. It was a sad reality. I now just want to accomplish graduating from college for my dad. My process was always telling myself what I was going to accomplish and I'd do it. Today, I write it and I can't seem to get a right.
What I want I can't just get. I want to be loved, appreciated, acknowledge, and wanted. I want to be respected by those who are supposed to feel that way about me. The hardest thing for me every year is that I don't feel any of the above. Perhaps I was not a good person my entire life because life has been so hard for me. I don't believe anymore. I will continue to motivate those who overlook me because I love them. I'll laugh, joke, be goofy, and be a shoulder all while faking happiness.
That's why I decided that I need to refocus on me. Maybe my light will shine again.
Why? Because I almost never give up.
Happy New Year 🎷🎸🎹
@lavenderOrange4849 i love your way of thinking with the resolutions etc and happy new year
@lavenderOrange4849
You deserve to put yourself first and so I'm happy that you are refocusing on this. You deserve to be able to look at yourself objectively instead of in how you relate to other people. Your accomplishments are allowed to be for you and for no one else. You are allowed to feel proud of what you've done, allowed to be proud of yourself and the person you are becoming. Youa re allowed to feel good about yourself and the things you are doing. I think this year's new focus will be really good for you and I wish you all the best. :)
I'd like to be optimistic about this year and set some personal goals.
Any ideas?
@emotionalMaple9419
I often think about goals in three ways:
Health (this normally means like recovery, mental or physical health related), task oriented (like a new hobby, job, or expertise I want to work on), or personal (like... read a book a month, make a better cleaning schedule, etc)
It all comes down to what you want to do. What would you like to work on? Then we can shape it so it's attainable and measurable so you can see progress and whanot.
@Hoxenos
Thanks for your thoughts on this.
I find it very helpful and you've given me some things to think about
