Traumatic Experiences Community Weekend Chill July 20th- 22nd 2018
Good Morning Survivors! I apologise for my late start, been working a project that had me working through the nite. what a strange and wonderful morning we have here today. It is sunny out, yet there is great thunder. As my mind is really blank today after I got done with my morning prayers, I have been just watching and listening to the world. I've was sitting outside looking at a beautiful sunrise to the east, whilst darkness and roaring skies loom to the west. Edge of a storm gotta be somewhere I suppose. Many get uneasy or even scared of thunder and lightening, my people know it as Thor fighting to protect this realm from invaders and we cheer the sounds and flashes. As I sit with this beautiful morning, my mind is drifting to remember some of the great storms I have witnessed and reveled in. I have been in a cave on the edge of the sea with my brother and friends as furious waves crashed the rocks around us and shook the earth in the darkness alle night. I have awoken on mountain tops to look over the edge and see a lightening storm from above, what a sight to behold. I have been trapped indoors by snow that lasted literally for weeks. I remember having to climb out the 2nd floor window, to dig down to the front door, then took 2 days to tunnel to the road. Once I was surfing on a beautiful sunny day. This dark line appeared on the horizon, minutes later the waves went flat, and the aer took on a strange feeling. The sky greyed, and there was this strange hum, then suddenly there was like this strange silver glow around us. There was like 12 of us sitting on our boards floating, and we were looking at each other in wonder. Then there was a crackle in the sky, and the rain began to pour down on us. We raised our arms and alle screamed to the heavens. Just then the waves came back, and it turned into one of the most incredible days of surfing ever!
Storms always come. They can ruin our plans, give us extra work to do, and they certainly can frighten us. The thing is tho, that they always pass, an when they do, the world is cleaner and refreshed. Just a bit of wind, lightening and rain, it's just the worlds way of cleaning itself. "Unto us alle a little rain must fall". (LedZeppelin)
So what it is, what it was, what's happening folks? Come! Speak of your world, or just say hi. The world is yours!
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@Raveninthelabrynth
Storms are especially beautiful when the dark grey clouds make trees around you light up into a bold dark green.
@starsabove7303 Indeed Stars, it's a sight to behold :)
@Raveninthelabrynth
Hi,
Just checking in
@niceJackfruit909 Hej Nice Good Morning, how are you today?
@Raveninthelabrynth
Good morning /Good afternoon
I'm doing OK!
@niceJackfruit909 Brilliant Nice, Glad to hear so 
for me it is evening, 5:07pm U.S./EST to be precise. Daisy and our Awesome Aussie Crew should be in soon an I fade to the trees.
Always here iffin you need us :)
@Raveninthelabrynth
OK thanks you! 😊😊
I hate life, its always bad . When something good happens 4 more terrible things happen and I have no idea how to deal or how to get past things. Im holding on to a lot and I dont know what to do. Im really confused , and hurting and very scared.
@DarkBeautykyomi
We're glad you're here with us today. And so sorry to hear that you'r e feeling like this. No doubt about it. life isn't easy and at times it can seem like bad things keep happening. You know the good thing is that you're holding on. Do you have someone to support you,someone to hold on with you,to talk with and help you find ways to deal with it. There are listeners here too who could help you. x
@DarkBeautykyomi Hej Dark, yes life can run in long strings where little good can be felt. I can promise you that not alle of life will be thus. Alle changes and nothing is permenant. Sorry yer having a rough go of things hon, but know it can't last. We're here if you need us.
Hey everyone bc I'm a nerd I was writing star wars fanfiction but I wrote a scene where I'm comforting Rey while she's coping with what happened with kylo Ren in the last Jedi.
I personally can really see traits of him in my past abusers and overall am just livid with how he abused her physically and manipulated her in the movies. And am more livid people excuse it by saying he's in love with her. Bc I've been abused by people who love me too. It was still wrong.
I don't understand it but I know there are a lot of ppl online who ship it. I don't want to trash all over your interests so if you're into it that's your choice, ok warning you you may not want to read this if that's you
But I'm posting it bc it's basically telling Rey what I think a lot of abuse victims need to hear so
Tw: mention of torture eluding to physical mental abuse
"
continues "we may be jedis but it's hard for us to know what people are feeling. If theyre worth trusting"
Just saying that sends a wave of grief over her face. I've never seen her this sad. I nudge her knee with mine. "..hey"
She brushed her eye to stop any tear from exposing her. "Yea. Sorry" I shake my head "don't be"
I know it's about kylo Ren. That dirtbag. He could have killed everyone I've met these past days if it weren't for Luke.
"Its not a bad thing...seeing good in people"i assure her. She laughs. "Ya but it may be foolish"
I shake my head. "Its brave. It's a lot easier to discount people as totally bad. Especially when they've hurt you as much as kylo"
Another tear escapes her lashes.
"You know that you fought for good until the very end. You went to your enemy and offered peace. That's powerful stuff."
"..for a moment I thought he wasn't my enemy"
I edge closer to her and pat her back. "I know" she cries more.
"I can't believe I trusted him. He looked me in the eyes and told me I was nothing without him..I could see his anger when I refused his plan, he screamed at me through the ship during the battle, he wanted to kill me..again
I rub her back. "His actions aren't your fault. You are not nothing."
I say it again and again until her tears dry.
She looks at me. "Did you have your own kylo ren?"
I chuckle "Not really. But I know what it's like to be made powerless and used. The traits are the same even if the hurts different. They turn on you the moment you stop giving them whatever they want, and then you're nothing again. You're physical pain or emotional, it's made yours to carry, not them. Because it can never be their fault"
"I know. Even after he tortured me-her voice breaks- I still felt bad for him. Because he had a sad life. But so did I. We could have..."
"Related? Yea." She nods.
"But despite all you've been through Rey, including what he's done to you you are still strong and kind and merciful. He can't say that. He did not break you. We are going to win"
By now her heads on my shoulder. We both cry her more. Fresh wounds. I hold her hand "I know it doesn't change the past. But you have given strength to so many girls all across the universe. When someone told me I was nothing, and I belonged to him. I could say no. Bc I knew I could be anything. And here I am. In the Resistance. You have broken the bounds of so many and they will never be able to touch that."
So yea like if you can relate to that dynamic. You are not nothing. It's not your fault for trusting someone and it is their fault if they hurt you.
Witty out
@wittySpruce8187
Hi Spruce
Thank you for sharing this, I havent seen Star Wars, so I kind of had to Google it, but the message you are sharing is very clear. And its a heartfelt and beautiful conversation you are portraiting.
I really liked how you summed this kind of abuse so neatly: "The traits are the same even if the hurts different. They turn on you the moment you stop giving them whatever they want, and then you're nothing again. You're physical pain or emotional, it's made yours to carry, not them. Because it can never be their fault" - sadly thats often just how it is
Do you write many of these fan-fictions? Do you find it helpful?
@LoveFromSara
Thank you! I'm really glad it was helpful! ❤
Yea I write a lot and I think I've learned a lot about how I'm feeling by writing through characters. Sometimes I even have no idea why I'm sad until I look through a character I can empathize with's perspective and then I'm like oh wow
I noticed a lot of victim blaming and general scary treatment of Rey in the fandom and I think it really cut to the core of how society treats abused women and people. That makes me so sad and I wanted to give Rey time to grieve even if she's not real lol.
Also writing romantic scenes has actually really helped me cope with PTSD because I can write characters caring about consent, being understanding and gentle. I can even imagine fun scenarios. All of that I almost never experienced in real life bc for the years after my assault I was almost completely alone besides my sister. I was blamed and not believed. I was terrified of dating or anything because I didn't want to be hurt like that again.
So yea I definitely recommend writing if it can help
❤
@wittySpruce8187
Sounds like you have found a good way to explore and express your feeling on different themes and subjects. Thanks again for sharing, and feel welcome to share more of your story, work and/or thoughts.
@LoveFromSara
Thank you! That means a lot (:
@wittySpruce8187 Hej Spruce. I didn't see the new film so I suppose the story and characters ar forign to me, but I def can relate hon. Thank you fr sharing some of your creativity and hears with us. :)
@Raveninthelabrynth
Hi! I'm so glad it was helpful! ❤
@wittySpruce8187 Well Done Luv!
@wittySpruce8187
Wow! Holy guacamole, that's powerful.
I know very little about Star Wars, but I got the message from your fanfic piece there. Your last line about trust got me in the fuzzies.
@Torremp Hej Tor how are you hon?
@Raveninthelabrynth
Sorry Raven, I didn't mean to not reply!
I'm doing OK, how about you?
I'm just finishing off some pasta, but I'll be around. Been learning a lot from here and it feels good.
@Torremp
Thank you! (:
@Raveninthelabrynth
hello Raven, it has been a while since i was last on 7cups and talking with you. thanks for the words of ecouragment.
My world today is a bit of chaos. I am moving in a week something i have been plotting to do for 6 months now it seems. and with that comes all the stress and exhileration of the future yet made. right now i feel formless. at times a bit disociated and numb just getting through it all. tough nights to bright days and a mountain of tasks before the night again. I remind myself not get hung up on the trivial obstacles. but almost all my planning is coming to fruition but the final and more important part is yet to pass. I still have to take that first actual step. and flight. here in a week. I am brimming with glee though because once the chaos settles i will be in a new place, a fresh start and can finally start to openly be me, seek help, and throw off the excess to become the me I wish.
@Sk1ttles Hej Girl it has been a few whiles. Sounds like you did your saving up and are ready finally to bust out. Hel Yeah hon, m wycked happy for you. Gotta hit me up when yer in next hon 
Much Love, wonderful to see you.
Sometimes I wish I could withdraw into myself and escape outside circumstances. I wish suppressing painful emotions in order to avoid having to feel them actually worked. I know it isn't a true escape, however. I feel so powerless regarding my housing situation. I wish it were as easy as getting up and moving, but being poor and the only housing available with any form of urgency being housing for people with mental health problems, I worry my situation wouldn't be any better elsewhere. I just don't want to breathe second-hand smoke in my room. My house mate agreed to change where she smoked so that it wouldn't come into my room at night from inside the house, and that worked for a while, but she's back to her old habits this week. 2 full weeks I was able to enjoy no smoke in my bedroom at night (at last while I was awake), but that's over now. The thought of there being other times where smoke has filled my room while I've been sleeping, unconscious to it, is infuriating. I can't just open the window to air it out either because the window is above where she smokes, so it just lets in even more smoke.
I feel so devalued, like her decision on where to smoke doesn't take into account my health and safety one bit. I realize she probably has her own stuff she's dealing with, but I'm so angry and disappointed she'd agree and then not follow through. I feel like I have to take on a lot and be the one always making compromises in order to just not breathe carcinogens while I sleep. And the housing worker actually defended her smoking with the outside door open when I addressed the smoke problem to someone else who I thought might actually support me. But instead, I got told I was "nitpicking" for asking her to close the door when she smoked right outside the back door.
Now it seems I'll likely have to continually keep her accountable to what she agreed to, and I need to write to the housing worker how her own comments made me feel, if there's ever going to be any point in having house meetings in the future. Why would I want to bring up issues if I'm just going to be shut down like before? I have to also figure out what the policy surrounding smoking is. The association that owns the unit I live in has rules at their office buildings about being X amount of distance away from entrances for smoking, and they have a nice shelter area for smokers to use. Why can't they do that for the housing units they own? As it stands, it hardly seems fair. Then again, there's no guarantee the house mate will actually follow the rules or use such a shelter.
I don't know. All of this makes me want to withdraw. And yet I cannot if I can't even breathe the air in my room safely. I can't escape the need to breathe fresh air. I'm so overwhelmed. :(
To clarify, the housing worker defended the house mate's smoking with the back door open, right outside of it. The housing worker told me I was nitpicking when I asked the house mate if she would please keep the door close when she smoked outside.
Now it seems I'll need to keep the house mate accountable and write a letter to the housing worker about how what she said made me feel.
@Zeraphim aww hon, I'm sorry you must endure this. It is a very inconsiderate thing your housemate is doing.
perhaps an aer purifier for you room would make you feel better and more safe?
@Zeraphim
This is a very hard situation. I'm sorry you're having to go through this. Maybe writing the letter will help? Saying how you feel is important. ❤️Thinking of you!!!!
@Zeraphim
It's totally not nitpicking to no want to inhale second hand smoke that damages your health as it contains arsenic!
I'm new here so I dont know if I'm even doing this right.
My abuser came by last night for his own pleasure and money which I didnt say no because in my mind I truly love him.
Here I am at 11:30am on a Saturday morning 3 beers in and crying and depressed it all feels hopeless dont know what to do anymore.
@Heavenlyjourney
Hi Heavenly. Welcome! Here is a safe hug if you want one ❤️❤️ What happen to you sounds scary. Do you have a counselor? Someone you can tell and get help from? What happened to you sounds like a attack. Drinking makes it worse on you I'm guessing. Hug. I hope you can rest today and believe that you deserve better! That you deserve love, respect, gentleness, and healing. I hope you can also know that his actions are NOT your fault. HUG!!!! It was and is NOT okay!!!! I will pray for you right now. That you can find strength to start a healing journey. Coming here is a good first step.❤️
@KLM3278
Thank you, I'm just lost I got married at 19 and was married to a man who cheated and emotionally abused me for 17 years. Left him and got divorced only to meet someone I fell hard for who also emotionally abused me, broke my collarbone, choked me 3 times and told me I was going to die, and that's just small part of it all. I left and moved to a town 20 miles away but have no friends or family nearby so I work and do nothing and wait for him to come use me over and over and I feel like a burden to anyone I try and talk to honestly.
@Heavenlyjourney
Well, you are SO welcomed here!!! You are NOT a lone!! You are NOT a burden!!!!! I hope more than anything you will believe that you do NOT deserve what has and what is happening to you. HUG!!❤️
@Heavenlyjourney
Welcome to the trauma subcommunity, we call it the trauma family because we all look out for each other here 
Checkin is the best place to post these things so I'm glad ya found us hiding here 
Oh my your situation sounds really complicated and overwhelming. Do you have anyone who you can reach out to for support? Local abuse support groups can be helpful or therapy. I escaped an abusive ex myself and I personally found the boundaries self help guide very helpful for learning to keep myself safe in relationships. I will link it here for you if you wanted to read it when you are feeling a bit better: https://www.7cups.com/boundaries/
Other than that am not sure what to say other than keep talking to us and hopefully it will help
@LifeIsMyCanvas
Thank you. I just replied above and explained a little. I feel so lost and alone and just hopeless. Thank you for listening
@Heavenlyjourney
well my dear, you are not alone now because you have all of us. You're not a burden to us because we've all been through stuff and so we know how hard life is. We are here for you <3
@LifeIsMyCanvas
Thank you again, I think I followed you, I have no clue again exactly how to navigate this site completely, but so far it has helped me even just keep my mind off all the bad.
@Heavenlyjourney
Yes you did lovely, and I accepted your request <3
@LifeIsMyCanvas
Canvas, I really like the link you posted!
Could you please tell me how you found it or if there's any similar pages for other topics?
@Torremp Yes she could Tor and give many others, Canvas is a Brilliant member of the team. But I think she just went to take rest so a reply may take a few.
@Raveninthelabrynth
am going to lay down now i promise, also i may fall asleep so if I do I shall see you all on the morrow
@LifeIsMyCanvas Hugs Sis see you tomorrow :)
Next up, Aussie Crew
@LifeIsMyCanvas
Good night Canvas,
Safe sleep
@Torremp
Hi Torremp,
I know im not Canvas, but thought I migh give you a link anyways.
https://www.7cups.com/supportGuides/selfHelpGuides.php - here you can find self help guides on a lot of different topics. They provide tools for self monitoring, information and excercises you can do.
@LoveFromSara
you are faster at typing than me LOL
@LifeIsMyCanvas
This is how I feel right now too lol. I'm watching my pasta sauce and watching this thread fly (which is a good thing).
Have a good sleep! :D
@Torremp
If you go to the path drop down and click self help guides there are lot of topics in there for you to choose from
@LifeIsMyCanvas
@LoveFromSara
Thank you both! :D
@Heavenlyjourney Hugs Heavenly, Theres No Shame in your feelings for your abuser. Infact it is a quite common thing. I myself am still somehow maddly in love with the 4 men whomabused me and sold me to others. It's a hard reaction to wrap ones mind around for sure hon, but I assure you it is an abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation.
"Having a messed up reaction, to a messed up situation, doesn't necessarily mean you're messed up."
PM me if you need or wish.
@Heavenlyjourney
Hi Journey!
Im so sorry to hear you are going throug this, you deserve so much better. Its hard when the people we love dont't treat us with kindness and respect but hurt us and use us for their own pleasure.
You are so welcome here, and not a burden at all! This is a safe place for people like us, who been treated badly and made to feel like we are nothing but a burden. Here we can tell our story, vent and get some much needed support and kindness form people who has been through similar things.
Hope to see more of you
Love from Sara
Here to chill. 
Was a little bit annoyed and busy, but today was a fun day at work so things are good.
Glad to see the party is picking up! So I will bring pasta for all of you in a few minutes! :D
@Torremp Brilliant! A feast and party is a great idea for a Satursday nite. I'll make a few different kinds of bbq ribs
@Raveninthelabrynth
Ooh, thank you! How did you prepare the ribs?
@Torremp I like to boil them long first, then soak in sauce, then slow broil so alle melts
Another sunset here for me my brothers and sisters
you Alle inspire me every day and keep hope a fact!
I must leave you now for the night, but I leave you in the most competant hands of Daisy and Rozie. See you alle first thing in na morn
*Raven bows to alle an fly's away
@Raveninthelabrynth
Thanks Raven for a great post and all that you do for us and with us here.You are much appreciated. And with the sunset comes time for you to be home for a well earned rest. x
So I'm not ok
I had flashbacks about my father and the person who sexually assaulted me
Both are terrible
@wittySpruce8187
Hi Spruce
Im sorry things are not okay for you and that you have so much hardship going on. Im sorry about your father and about the flash backs and how it all makes you feel. But im glad you are here to talk about it and that Daisy were able to give you some support. She is amazing, and so is the rest of the people here, including you.
Hope you were able to catch a break and get some rest
