Am I at fault?
Hello I am 20 years old and I've been struggling with this issue for what now seems like my entire life. Me and my dad have a horrible relationship. It all started when I began middle school that's when he really started abusing me emotianally and physically. I never did anything horrible up until the 11th grade (caught with a baggie of marijuana, my fault i know).
I guess when I was a child I was left home alone all the time. I was always by myself my parents didnt really spend time with me and it never felt like I was a part of them.
I made straight A's and never got in trouble at school. The only thing was that I hardly had any friends I was a loner with super strict parents who could never go anywhere. Ill admit during around that time I started to resent my dad. He always says hell never forget the time I said I hated him in 7th grade. What happened was we were fighting over something I dont remember what and he was taking me to school when I had blurted out those words. He punched me in the face hard enough to leave a bruise and dropped me off at school I was in tears and couldn't tell anyone what happened.
Ever since our relationship had been rocky he would always find ways to lower me and to this day tells me he has no respect for me. He makes me feel worthless all the time he will never change:( i feel HORRIBLE because he does pay for my classes and food when I need it but always through my mom who is always on his side no matter what she doesnt see how much he hurts me. When he would hurt me she would go in another room and after pretend like nothing happened.
But what gets me is they say it's all my fault if I wasn't a brat through my teenage years we would have been happy. I live with so much guilt because of this..am I supposed to feel guilty..I'm just so confused at this point.
Hello ! You haven't done anything wrong. That's what you have to understand first. The way you talk about it, it looks like your dad is being resentful, maybe he feels that you arr smarter than him or something hé doesn't even understand. Have you ever talk to someone like friend about it ? :)
He has resented me ever since I was young although I never understood why but I've accepted it. I've alway believed it was because of something I did but now that I'm becoming a little older and I wiser I feel like thats ridiculous I mean you cant just start resenting a kid because they occasionally have an attitude or do something wrong...all kids mess up!! No Im in a transition period so I dont have many people to talk to thats why im going to the internet :p
So many kids in seventh grade don't like their parents; it's just part of being a teenager. You're not the only kid who's told their dad that they hate them. But the difference is, most parents don't hit their children when they get told that, you know? (In my opinion, he shouldn't forget it, because it sounds like it was something he needed to hear.) It sounds like so far, you've held strong. Just because he helps pay for things that are a necessity, doesn't mean that you owe him anything.
Don't feel guilty! I know it's easy to feel that way, since so many people have told you that it was "your fault" for so long. Any parent would be lucky to have you as a kid, and he took that for granted. I'm sorry that your mom isn't more supportive of you, too. That really sucks. Is there any way you can kind of just... Let him go? Do you have any other family, like an aunt or an uncle you can confide in? Just always remember that there are lots of people here, including myself, who are here to listen if you need an ear!
Hey there ! I gotta say that's a pretty tough teenage hood, but is your dad going through smthing, is he having problems? Is he having a messed up relationship with your mother? Sometimes, some people know they are wrong but prefer to not show it bc they think it's a shame, so they prefer putting the fault on someone weaker than them (you were just a teen), I mean maybe when you said that you hated him he was going through tough times and it like it's marked him and smthing happened and instead of admitting it was his fault he blames you. Well it's just a thought maybe I'm wrong.. But if you just don't want to understand what the reason is, just understand that it is not ur fault, a single "I hate you" from a 7th grader is not dramatic. Unless your father is really sensitive and never forgets about anything ..like really desperate case.. Well then I have to say that if you want a solution try saying "I love you" to our dad - try satisfying a little more your parents - try going on a trip or just be closer to them - try offering something and apologise even though you did not do a single thing wrong ( but remember this is if you have tried a lot to be closer to them and they just are still stubborn and too selfish to understand your intention )