Childhood sexual truma (10-14yrs)
Hello all, Good day! I'm sorry it's long I'm Sandy, I'm in my 20s now, I was sexually abused by my cousin when I was 10-14 multiple times, I never spoke about that to anyone until I was 19 because for a long time I just belived that's how people are supposed to act and this was normal behaviour. I don't know how to say this and don't want to look like I'm giving reasons but since I thought this was normal behaviour I abused someone as well, I showed them how to pleasure themselves when I was 14 they were a year younger, trust me I sill beat myself over this, I lose sleep, feel guilty and angry at myself and I tried to apologise but I'm sure it would have caused them trauma too, The memories are faint but I forgot about them until I was 18 because that's hen I started to explore more sexually. These memories just came flooding into my head, now I've just stopped socializing feel so much social anxiety and always question my purpose in life. I was never able to confront my cousin they married now I don't want to cause any more trouble in their life, their partner is good so I don't want to hurt them either. All I can do is deal with all this on my own, I know that isn't ideal but I don't want to hurt anymore people with this past and try to move on I don't think I'll ever be able to forget but forgiving also seems impossible. I'm sorry for such a long post. Thank you so much for your time ❤️ Hope we can work through this together ❤️
@natureheals
Dear Sandy:
I am very sorry for all you went through.
You are right to feel so troubled, because it's a complex situation.
Don't punish yourself for "infecting" another kid with the same disease that was inoculated to you as a child.
You don't have to feel shame all your life for what happened to you as a child. It was something bad done to you. You are not guilty at all for that.
As for your life purpose, you could start by setting the goal to heal and feel well as you deserve.
I encourage you to find a good therapist and start Therapy as soon as possible, if you can afford that.
You don't need to deal with this alone. Beyond professional therapeutic support, I encourage you to participate actively in this community, where you will find people that understand and care
As for confronting your cousin, it's a very personal decision. There is not a "good" or "bad" answer. Trust your own judgment. Whatever you decide will be the best thing to do.
Besides, this is not the time for you to forgive. Do not force yourself into trying to do it. Forget about it. The first priority is to heal and take care of yourself.
Keep participating in the 7 Cups Community. Participate in Group Support Chats, post and answer threads in this and other SubCommunities you might be interested in. As I said, you don't need to deal with this alone.
Please keep in touch.
I wish you all the best !
Marcelo