Figuring out who I am after 2 years of partway getting out of an abusive situation
I’d been mentally and physically abused for a while and only recently got out of one of the houses that did it. Going to be out of the other in about a month now. But every day is so hard to handle. I can’t even finish a full meal a day now. It’s still a little rough now. Especially in my relationship, where my restlessness and defensiveness is causing a bit of an issue. I’ve been going through some days where depression just kicks me in my butt. I don’t know who I am?? Most of the things I like just stim from what other people have shown me. I feel indifferent to most things. Not a lot surprises me. But I guess on the bright side I have everyone trying to get me to stop apologizing when it feels like I have to or I’m going to suffocate. At least the nights where I’ve had issues, the next day I completely forget everything including how I felt, so I can’t learn from anything.
@Dillontdoit
Hello there :)
Thank you for sharing as I am sure your thoughts and feelings have helped many. I am proud of you for sharing, it is a very hard thing and our bodies natural instincts in trauma is to bury the feeling and pretend it doesn't exist. You are not alone in feeling this way.
Trauma makes us a whole new person whether we like it or not. It is very hard to accept and I even sometimes struggle with grief over my old identity. It ok to grief and be confused on who you are. It is all part of the process and you will find yourself. Promise!
As for the day to day struggles, we hear you and we stand with you. So many of us struggle with eating or getting out of bed and living our day to day lives. Relationships are very hard to maintain during the healing process. I am sure that if it's the right person they will stand in your corner even iif you two argue or have issues.
I hope this helps and I wish you well,
Ocean (Brooke)
