Healing and learning about myself
Hi everyone! This is my first time ever engaging in support such as this so apologies if this is kinda all over the place.
When i was fairly young, my brother used to rape me at night. I had a very difficult time coping and ended up breaking down and told my sister one night about a year after my brother had graduated high school and left. She started to cry and break down so I panicked and managed to convince her it didnt actually happened. No one wants to believe such things about family, so ai don't blame her for never bringing it up again.
After that incident I sucked it up and deslt with it myself to prevent any more harm to family.
Over the years, I have had instances that I break down over my abuse, but the majority of the time it feels like as if it had never even happened to me. It feels like as if I have dissociated myself to from my abuse and if never actually happened. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or if I have even processed it myself. I guess I'm not sure if that's a normal thing for other survivors.
@moo7
Hello Moo, thank you for writing this post and expressing yourself. My heart breaks to read what you have been through and I can relate to how you might have felt seeing your sister cry.
I have started learning more about trauma and its aftermath so from my little knowledge it can be denial. Like for a very long time and even now I have not totally accepted some parts of the rape that happened with me and I tell myself that this didn't happen because it's my brain's way of protecting myself in a way. It can be the case with you too.
Moo, I really admire that you understand that not everybody is capable of dealing with trauma as not everybody is trauma informed in general but that doesn't mean we don't deserve a support. I hope you find more ways to help yourself process and heal through the trauma, for me taking therapy works you can give it a try too. My best wishes for you❤