How do you get closure after an emotionally abuse and occasionally physical abuse?

Hi everyone,

I am 29 and last year march I finally had the guts to leave my relationship of 11 years. At first I was glad that I left. For those 11 years, about 10 of them I had a depression. I thought it was my fault, my mistake. I begin to realise that I am manipulated, kicked, hit, called names, even strangled on a few occasions. He made me feel like he was the only one who cared about me. My family was according to him awful and would not help me (if I got out of the relationship).

And for what? Just so he had someone? We didn't even had sex. First I defended him. Just explaining to myself that he had it difficult. He was struggling with his identity. Was he male or female or both? I wanted to help him and he abused that help. He guilt tripped me so many times to stay. Using tears, lovely words and kindness. Things I wanted to hear in my depressed state. I was so afraid for rejection from others and him. He was my only friend at that time.

I don't know how many times I runned out of the house, scared, in tears and hoping that we could be like we were in the beginning. We moved 3 times and in the last house it was better. I didn't dare to make him upset anymore. I just helped him were I could and grew numb to everything else. I just switched off. Occasionally all my emotions came bubbling up. At those times he said something was wrong with me. I should seek professional help. I did. The third one helped me realise in what toxic circle I was and I finally I got out.