I dont even know
Honestly what the f*ck. I was a CHILD.
I didnt deserve to live in terror. I didnt deserve to have to learn what floorboards creaked the most. I didn't deserve to be scared of being loud. I didnt deserve getting yelled at for buying things with my paycheck. I didnt deserve any of it. Being told im an attention whore, constantly being made fun of for eating or being single. I shouldn't have been laughed at when my asthma was crippling bad. I didnt deserve to spent night after night sobbing silently. I SHOULDNT KNOW HOW TO CRY SILENTLY. I didnt deserve to grow up so young. I didnt deserve to be told I'm worthless. I was a child.
Who does this shit to a child.
I DIDNT DESERVE TO HAVE YOUR HANDS AROUND MY THROAT BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO HURT ME.
I didnt deserve to have to hold it together after that because it wasnt, isnt, safe for me to break down.
I didnt deserve anything you put me through. I deserved to be happy and loved and carefree. I dont know why you hate me so much.
But after over a decade of you torturing me why do you deserve my forgiveness?
I dont live there anymore. I could never talk to you again, but then I remember the good times when you were a dad to me. So what the f*ck am I supposed to do. I dont deserve to feel this way. It all hurts. Will it ever just stop? I hope so.
@hopingformoreiguess
Hi, i used to seriously hate my dad for all the insaine crap he did, but then i found out his childhood was soo much worse. I forgave his inability to know how to raise a stable child in a secure home. I had to raise myself for the most part. I eventually formed a freindship with my dad, it was a relationship that had sone strong boundries i put in place. I was tuff on him, but he appreciated the structure and our freindship. Im glad i had those years with him. I was the most forgiving kid ever, and i never listened to all the crap my mom said about him. It wasnt easy, but he slowly changed enough for me to have a dad i had always needed. It was more of a good buddy and i couldnt fully trust him, but we did love eachother, and put up with all our short comings.
Consider not denying you a chance to forgive, people grow old and are full of regrets and we all need love. If it might be possible, you might be pleasantly surprised at how sone give n take could help you both find a relationship balance that is healthy.
I dont know the details about your dad, but if i can do it anybidy can. My dad was in prison for murder, and was a hard criminal until i latched on and tamed him with the help of his desire to make a mends. We both put in a whole lot of work, but there was a respect i demanded, which i recieved and love that made that all possible.
I wish you can find peace and some mutual ground to have at least talking terms with him.
Blessings👍😊