I tell myself I will never go back.

What I went through was horrific, I heard it time and time again and I lived it, I know it. When my ex was arrested I told myself I would never talk to him again.

Fast forward 2 1/2 years and he's getting out already. For a year now I've been doing fine, living life; suddenly with the news of his upcoming release things went downhill fast. Part of me is afraid of how far he'll go when he gets the chance to. Another part of me is afraid I will go back to him.

He was my first love, and so far my only. I have all these good memories that creep back up and all these questions. I even have this weird sense of hope. I wasn't exactly an angel when we were together, I was honestly a shitty person; but i have addressed issues I needed to and I've matured and i would even say changed in ways. Part of me hopes he has done the same, though I know that's unlikely.

So I say I'll never go back but I'm not so sure.