I've made a realisation

For a long time, I've only dated younger guys; I feel more comfortable around them and more in control. I was intimidated by older men, I felt out of control and felt inferior to them. I didn't know why but it was a feeling I couldn't shake off.

Then I realised - the one guy I dated who was older than me, was abusive and made me feel like a child and inferior to him. He would lecture me and tell me what to do all the time. It clicked. My brain had made that negative connection to all older guys! No wonder I felt inferior and child like compared to them!

But now I've made this realisation, I can move forward. I can tell myself that the reasoning is invalid and stupid and that my ex will no longer have control over me. I now look at older guys as attractive and want to date them. It's mad how such a small realisation can make such a big difference! It feels like a weight off my shoulders and a good start to my eventual medication detox and the beginning of therapy. ☺