Jelly donuts are a trigger
Over the last two weeks, I discovered that anything associated with jelly donuts brings up some really painful memories. Though both my parents were abusive to me while I was growing up, I had a closer relationship with my mom for a while and we had better memories.
-For example, one time we went garage sale shopping with my mom one time when I was really young. During that trip, we stopped at one house garage that happened to have jelly donuts which I thought were for everyone so I took one. Though my mom wasn't nasty, she got upset and said, "You don't do that!" This was in front of everyone.
Being that it was Hanukkah, during which jelly donuts are a part of the holiday, sadness was triggered a few times and I started crying. I realize why and that the better memories break my heart because that was a narcissistic abusive relationship.
@Summershy
so sorry you didn't have good relationship with your parents. that must be very tough. maybe try to avoid jelly donuts for a while? try something else instead
@anxietywarrior23
I had a chance to talk to my counselor about the situation with the jelly donuts and they said that
1. It's normal to feel down around the holidays being that I am not on speaking terms with my family
2. The jelly donuts probably still trigger guilt over the fact that I took one at a rummage sale only to have my mom harshly scold and humiliate me in front of other people.
Talking through it with her, I didn't realize that it was a type pf drama
@Summershy
I am inviting you to the Sharing Circle chat room where you may share with other
members of 7Cups and receive support ! 😊
@spongbobishappy
Thanks for the recommendations but I am feeling better now and I don't want to talk about my parents too much because it's very triggering.
@Summershy
@alex428
As I discussed with a counselor, her making me feel bad ended up making me feel guilty for many years into thinking it was my fault. Actually, she didn't yell at me, she said it in a very embarrassed and frustrated tone. However, my mom has always been a very selfish and self-centered person.
However, she and my dad never had the patience to deal with little kids and their naïve behaviors. They were also abusive to my baby sister when she was little too. For example, my sister colored her hand at age 4 and my mom punished her severely for it.
@Summershy I am so sorry that you feel this way. It takes a lot of courage to tell people something that hurts you and I commend you for your bravery. You are very strong and whatever you are going through you will overcome because you are a master at solving your own problems. have more confidence in your self because you are strong.
@RyanLambert5
Hi Ryan:
Regardless of my mom being nasty and unrealistic that time and yes, I grabbed a jelly donut that was raspberry filled, I have always hated jelly donuts. However, I grabbed one at the time because I thought the people at the rummage sale put them out for their shoppers to take.
@Summershy big presents are a trigger . my brother got me a big bear , for being strong and surviving what ive been through
i was in an abusive relationship for 4 years , starting in sophomore year of college and ending last November