Just seeking guidance
I'm unsure how to even begin so it may just be absolute waffle.
I am struggling so very much currently. I came out of a DA relationship last year and although I've done all that I can for myself and my children to get us to safety and stabilise myself with seeking support for the trauma caused.
Everything has come down crashing hard recently and I am really struggling to regain my focus and stay grounded. My abuser is seeking contact, this is now legal and I'm due to appear in court next week. I'm not ready for any of this. Not ready to relive this, to prove my experience, for all that I've worked on to be for nothing. I've tried so hard to get to a better place physically and mentally, to finally be on the road to healing. My body still reacts to alot of everything but I was getting better.
Now I'm to stand in front of my abuser, give evidence and relive it all again on the probability that the court decides whether what I went through was truly DA. Whether my evidence is worthy to show what happened, happened. If all of this was what it was to then decide whether contact is safe. I understand it, I am unable to put myself in a position to lose myself again, go backwards when I've tried all that I can to come so far away from it and stay safe.
@Fearneyyy
Thank you for standing up against abuse!!
You are almost out of the woods, you just got to find a way to stay strong and deal with court..
Your tasked with confronting a monster.. We support you here, please focus on finishing this situation and expose these injustices.. it's going to take every ounce of strength to put this past life to bed and reemerge a hero.. 🌟
@AsherTree
I appreciate your comment 🙏
Believe me I am trying but I am unable to do what they may want me to do. I am not as strong as everyone else.
I feel the fight he will put up will be much more stronger than any that I have left in me. So I question whether enduring futher trauma, reliving this all again, being in that position, having every aspect of my experience magnified for an authoritive figure to say its not what it was? That's what's hurting the most. To have to prove myself, hope they understand what my truth is, my experience is, for them to deem it never happened just on possibly not having enough evidence. To do all of this, in front of the person that abused me, whilst they deflect, lie, get a thrill out of me standing there traumatised by what they continue to put me through.
I'm not religious but I keep praying that someone hears my voice because I've been shouting ever since it ended and I feel I get so far, then I'm hurled back again.
Although I know what I experienced, I know what I went through, it never seems to be enough to others in this world 😔
@Fearneyyy
You are in a fight for your future..
Many are going to try to hurt you and it will be like being abused again.. it's a difficult task to come to the conclusion of this event.
Your fears are valid and accurate. I would advise you to go into this prepared with written testimonies. Be aware he is gonna throw everything at you but the kitchen sink like you seem to be aware of.
I'm so sad that you have to go through this...🌟
@AsherTree
The police have all of my evidence. All I have is my memory and that's a bit shot after everything. I'm grateful to have my solicitor who has acted proactively on trying to keep me safe and protected and she will be my voice.
I can't help but feel I'm once again proving myself for what I experienced and now it's down to a higher authority to decide whether that was truly what I went through. It changes everything after 😔