There's no in hell this sh*t just happened
16 Hours ago I made a post on here about the abuse I endured at the hands of my step father. Opened up about the abuse I was dealing with almost every day from him for almost 4 years. This is something I have held in. Only a handful of people know the cause for the damaged person I have become. My husband and I have been in and out of hotels since we lost everything we had after uprooting our life and making the attempt to move to Texas. As we were unloading our belongings today he made it up the steps to the hotel room before me. I wasn't too far behind. As I reached the top of the step I could hear a man arguing with a woman and the I heard someone say ' what's up hollywood? " At first it didn't click then I stopped dead in my tracks. That voice was piercing like a knife through my stomach. I ran to our room which was 3 or 4 doors down from the his. My husband of course thought I was crazy busting in the room like a psycho lunatic. Once he asked me what's wrong I could hardly get it out of my mouth. I told him that my sister step dad ( my abuser ) was literally less than a half of football field away from us. After he asked me if I wanted him to go whoop his ass, I took the car keys and told him I was going to make sure I'm not crazy. The voice kept playing over in my head. I went to our car and grabs a folder. Once back up the steps I ask a guy if the guy who was in the room went by the name Jay? He told me "No." I apologized as I was walking away and told him he looked like my step dad. Once my back was turned I heard the same voice ask me what my name was and I told him Joanna. As I looked at my husband I heard him ask "Joanna Marie?" At the very second every thing this man did to me for those 4 years replayed in my head. I f***king lost it. I could hear this sick P.O.S. Smiling when he said my name. As I went to charge at him a police officer had came up the stairs and asked me to go with him. I didn't do anything... YET if I could have though I would have hurt him as bad if not more than he hurt me. I explained, barely able to keep my balance because I could stop shaking, that he molested and raped me. Back 5 years ago when I went to the jail visit I set up, was the last time I ever expected to see this man and I was okay because there was a screen between us. I NEVER in my life thought I would be 2 feet away from this man face to face with the man who took my innocence, who destroyed me. I called my mom to let her know what was going on and I got the exact reaction I expect a "Mmm" and just leave he ain't worth it... Karma will get him. " ARE YOU F**KING KIDDING ME THAT'S WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY TO ME? She had the opportunity to say something to him, call the police, stop it. Instead she continued to allow it and she has the audacity to tell me to let it go? This man ruined my f**king life. I didn't have a child hood because of him. I'm f**ked up because of him. That man made me hate my f**king self. And you think it's not worth it? That mother f**ker didn't do one f*"king day in jail for the shit he did to me for YEARS. I have trust issues because of him. It's fu**ing worth it I don't give a f**k what no one says I'm the one who had to sit and allow this man to do what ever he wanted to me, when he wanted. I'm the one who had to keep my mouth shut because he threatened to hurt you guys. I'm not that scared ass little kid anymore. No one f**king protected me then. But I'll be damned if this mother f**ker is within. Reach of me and thinks he can smile in my got damn face after the f**king abuse I had to deal with for 3 fu**ing years of not longer. I don't give a f**k. F*ck karma it's been 23 got damn years and karma ain't did a fucking thing. He's still the same drunk perverted sick piece of shit he was when I was 4 and and the shit started. So fu*k that. The audacity to sit and tell me he's not worth it. Neither was I when the shit was happening huh? It's so ironic that today I speak about my darkest moment in my life and then boom there he is. I can't like I'm angry, and hurt. This is alot.
@jwhitmon1224
I am appalled at the situation you describe.
It is so unjust, unbearable, that such a monster is free. With total impunity, he can go to the same hotel you go. You see him feets away, and you can't do anything.
I understand you must be hugely sad and angry about it. And rightly so.
I can't find any calming words to tell you. All the words that come to my mind are of rage, anger, and hate at that monster.
I would do anything I can to ease your pain.
But I feel overwhelmed by sorrow and rage.
I wish you all the best in the world.
You deserve it.
Marcelo.
Thank you so much. It's good to know someone understands my anger. Everyone always says it was so long ago so let it go but how can I when this man robbed me if my innocence, dignity, and pride. I could never understand how someone could possible do something that can scar and traumatize something so innocent and young. Also I'll never understand why people always think it's so easy to forget about it. 23 years later I can still play every time this man touched me. 3 years and almost every night and I can still remember it like it's yesterday. It's hard to get people who have never been in my shoes to understand my pain. It turned me into a woman I can hardly stand to look at in the mirror most days. I really appreciate your understanding of my story. Bless you.
@jwhitmon1224
Thank you for your kind words.
As I told you, I was very moved by your life story.
You are absolutely right. Some things in this real world are evil, cruel, totally unjust and unacceptable. The things you suffered as a child are like that.
We might try to live the best we can with the consequences of things that happened to ourselves, for example, because we had the immense bad luck of having been cruelly mistreated as small children.
Maybe, for our own benefit, we should recognize and come to terms with the fact that those are the cards we were given, and our challenge is playing the best we can with these cards. Our merit, and the measure of our success in life, is how well we play these cards, even if they are very, very bad.
Also, appreciate that we are valuable, even sacred beings. We deserve respect, care, love, and to live in peace.
We hope that through therapy, coping techniques, making significant connections like those possible in this caring, humane community, we can improve significantly from our base situation, and enjoy moments of peace and happiness.
But never accept the unacceptable. Never forgive the cruelty.
Never let go our right anger against what's evil.
I wish you the best,
Marcelo.
I understand your frustration, but don't give this man the power to ruin your life. He is not worth it. Look at pursuing charges if possible at this point, but at least look at getting a restraining order against him. Even if he won't physically harm you at this point, he's still causing emotional harm. Get some professional help so that you can move on, because you deserve better than this from your life.