Using continued Isolation as a Defense When unnecessary

I don't know all the rules yet. I'm new to this, but I'm struggling.

TRIGGER WARNINGS

Child abuse

Suicide

Animal abuse

Domestic Violence

I feel like I bounce from one abuse to another. And I don't realize I'm doing it until I'm too far in. And if it's not bouncing between abuse it's total isolation.

First it was childhood physical and emotional abuse as well as a healthy dose of neglect. In the name of taking care of my siblings everything important to me was sidelined because I was the black sheep for some unknown reason. Then my first bout with domestic violence in the form of a cruddy room mate. I dealt with everything up to her trying to drug my food and a blatant admission of abusing my dog. Having no other option I moved back to family for some continued childhood trauma. Physical violence from a brother, gaslighting manipulation and threats of unfounded legal trouble from my sister, and continued violence from my father. I did the homeless thing and wen to my isolation of me and my dog for a couple months. Once I got back under a roof the first thing I d was get into another domestic violence situation with a new boyfriend. The relationship ended with a month of threatened suicide every time I turned around. If I was out late if I was in early. Anything and everything. When I tried to reestablish contact with any of my family after a couple years of no contact, my abusive sister used her own alleged issues as a reason that I should forgive her and then started right up again with her antics.

The only time I am safe is in isolation. I have 2 friends that live hours away. And that's it. And they're in different timezones so I rarely have any interaction outside work.

I just don't know how to learn to trust again. And I don't know how to thrive safely without being completely isolated. Does anyone else have issues with forming anysort of relationships that are safe? I don't know if I've ever had any safe relationship that has been anything more than a coworker or superficial aquaitence.