Why am I still be traumatized over this?
Hi:
I dealt with lots of child abuse at the hands of my parents and especially when I was really young. They would get mad at me just about everytime I would turn around. There was this one time, where my mom left me in the car to do something in some apartment complex. She came back for a split second, dropped off a packet of candy in the front before leaving again. She also did not say anything. Being that I was a little girl, I got into it right? That said, I have been beating myself up for that. In fact, I cry everytime I think about it, why?
Greetings @Summershy, I’m sorry to hear that. It’s odd but normal to remember childhood memories so vividly. It happens to me as well, and somehow I can relate. Infancy’s so brief, yet it’s such a decisive stage in our lives. Try not to focus on those particular memories. People make mistakes and it’s not your fault. Allow yourself some peace, you deserve it. Best wishes 🌹
@calmCake1350
You're right, I did not do anything wrong, my mom put the candy in the front seat and took off again. Maybe it's a guilty factor because my parents and other adults in my life overly punished me for things that were silly. So maybe I was expected to get some sort of punishment.
@Summershy
Your words kept ringing in my head, as well as my response to you. I didn't want to make this over me or my problems. It's your story, perhaps much, much worse than mine. I honestly just wanted you to feel a solace somehow, once you're not alone and I think I can understand how you feel. Even if I couldn't totally relate, I really feel for you and hope you can put the past behind and be happy. Giving advice is easy... Diffilcult is dealing with real problems, and everyone is a different person with their own ghosts. Wishing you sincerely all the best. Please, accept my humble appologies.
@Summershy, I’m sorry ☹️ Again, it’s not your fault. You weren’t expected to be punished. People make mistakes and, sometimes, certain people are bad in nature. I know what I’m talking about. I’ve been there. I was abandoned by my father, left homeless, penniless... I never did nothing to him, he just pretend I was dead and moved on with his miserable life. I haven’t seen him in 20 years and I hope I’ll never see him again. He hurt me in unimaginable ways. So, I know. Allow yourself some peace, let go of those thoughts before it’s too late - like me, I have panic syndrome due to ptsd. Don’t be like me. A hug
@calmCake1350
I talked it through with my counselor and there was actually more to it than that. At the time, mom put me on a special diet because of my hyperactivity. Meanwhile, she abused me emotionally by
1. Allowing food to be in the house that I was not to have, while she and dad ate those things.
2. She would offer other people things that I could have right in front of me, while it was "No, you can't have that."
I would end up sneaking around getting into those things only to be accused of being "Disobedient." Sure I was but I felt like she was punishing me for having a disability.
I am sure she probably did something really bad to me when it came to that packet of candy that is so traumatic that I can't remember or I have blocked out.
I’m really sorry to hear that. Yes, that’s abuse and vile, you are right... I’m here for you, though I’m just a member, not a listener. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers 💗 Again, I apologize for being too superficial in my “positive” words of advice. Tight hug @Summershy
@calmCake1350 Thanks you for your kind words. My counselor said that it sounds like my mom set me up for failure with the candy that time. She also set me up for failure those other times.