i need help... well technically my mum does:(

@deetz

Hi friend,

I'd Like to say that you are stronger than you think. It takes a very strong person to realize that these things are not your fault, but the problem of the person who is saying them. Remember that, when people say things to you, what they are saying is often a projection of themselves and their own insecurities. 

Unfortunately, When we realize that even though these are projections of their own insecurities, it still hurts to hear them and we question ourselves. 

It is mental gymnastics to keep yourself believing that what these people say to you is not true. Don't ever give up. 

To cope through the stress:

Listen to music that mimics how you are feeling. Sometimes when you feel like you can't talk to somebody about how this makes you feel, music does it for you. 

Take your study material and go study in a park (outside is good) or coffee shop.

I personally never wanted to study, but if I was in an environment such as a coffee shop where everybody else was typically working, it made me want to study more because I saw other people doing it. In a sense, I wasn't suffering alone. 

I don't think you Will be able to help your mom yourself. I think she needs therapy and somebody who can understand why she feels the way that she does, which is probably connected to how her parents treated her and her past trauma.

@deetzI've had a single, terrifying panic attack in my life and it was the WORST. 

I never wanted to experience that again, so you have to figure out what is causing your panic attack (It's right in your post) and you have to figure out how to avoid it as much as possible.  See my above comment about remembering what people say is not actually about you, but likely a projection of how they are feeling. 

It's hard. You have to remember that it's not you. When people close to you, like your mom, say cruel things like this, it's hard not to believe it. But don't believe it. 

The second way to avoid it is to remove yourself from a situation where she can tell you these things as much as possible, which is why I suggested leaving the house to go study. 

    Don't be hard on yourself. Your studies are stressing you out, and it could take weeks, months, or years of practice to learn how to avoid anxiety without extra help from medicine or probably a therapist.