Finding detatcment hard
I’am with someone who’s really abusive . Harsh .
who tells me that he loves me and I don’t see any in his actions
he cheated on me and he doesn’t feel sorry about it
doesnt care about how I feel
doesnt give me time
abuses me for no reason and says sorry
is ok if I leave
it always has to be his way no matter how I feel
calls me his priority but I can’t see it
keeps me as a secret with someone he cheated me on with.
says she’s a good friend and doesn’t wants to loose her and he’s keeping me a secret in front of her .
and me being mature should understand that and stay a secret .
she doesn’t like me because I’m prettier than her , apart from that she’s got no other reason .
he keeps consoling her but not me
he chooses her and not me .
he is not ok with losing her
begs her to stay
because she was a good friend ( fling )
and he says if stay if u want or leave nobody is begging u to stay to me . And says if u really love me you will stay .
I need answers
You need to leave. You ahve normalised his behaviour. There are so many people out there who can value you and make you happy. Nobody should experience this kind of turmoil in life. It is your only life. Live it well. Go and be happy. You don't need him. He does not have things to give, just to take. Find a friend to support you as you move on. It is easier than being by yourself. You will thank yourself a year down the line.
Also, try learning a bit more about attachment theory and how people interact with each other. There is a reason why you are attracted to h and you have normalised this behaviour. It might stem from your childhood and your relationship with your family. It would be useful for you to move away from this relationship and spend some time by yourself learning about your attacent style, needs, and how to enter relationships that fulfil you and where you are respected.
If you cannot leave him because you are dependent on him financially or because he is coercing you somehow, there are many resources and organisations that can help. Please do reach out here and we can advise you further.
Take good care of yourself. You deserve it.
@mulberrycake i hv been through similar stuff and still coping with it. one advice leave that person...cry do whatever u want to but no contactttt...or grey rock this person
@mulberrycake
Have you tried the 7cups chat rooms ?
I am inviting you to join me in the 7cups Sharing Circle chat room
@mulberrycake it sounds like maybe you are waiting for him to decide what he wants. The state of the relationship doesn’t have to be up to him. Honor yourself by being with someone who honors you. Anyone who’s really in love won’t even think about trying to choose between you and someone else, or split their time from you. You deserve so much better.
