Unattached
My abusive childhood shaped my entire life. I am longing for real trusted connection with other humans. My identity was stolen at a young age. My trust has been repeatedly broken by people/ family/ friends. The people pleasing I had to do to survive as a child continued into my adult life, fear had me in a constant state of fight, flee or freeze and that continues today. So many have taken advantage of my fear.
It took decades and an assault to get me to therapy. I've been working on finding my true identity and trying to learn how to trust . I have been so alone surrounded by people my entire life. I'm good at faking and can interact with anyone but I can never truly connect. It makes me sad because I can't connect . It's the one thing I so desperately want. This desperation has caused me to be in situations that further traumatized me.
I cannot open myself to my partner of many decades. I am guarded always even with my adult children. My siblings have similar issues of being unable to connect including with each other. We just all went far away from our horrible childhood home and scattered in all different directions. We are not close. Our parents/ abusers are deceased .
Attachment, connection seems but a dream I cannot attain and I fear I will leave this life and never know how it feels to truly trust and connect. I think I'm starting to accept this fate.
ABB
@amiableBlackberry92
While i understand your situation as i too even surrounded by people often feel entirely alone......learning to accept is not an awful thing
The one thing i have discovered .............is that many times the idea of everyone else being totally attached is unrealistic ..................i think many many Fake it ........some better then others.... but look closer things you might think are real are not.
What you described of being desperate to make a connection is visible to those who look for an opportunity to exploit someone.
lets out it this way i used to listen to people around holidays talking about huge family events .... i did not have as my siblings split away we have not spoken in years .......... the take away from listening is this person who wanted to project a perfect hostess and close family ....for others to envy.
actually after event she ranted about how her hate for her siblings or in-laws etc.........and they did not bring the right things or behave as she expected even talked about wardrobe choices etc
i chuckled as i left the break room knowing i am happier KNOWING i am not going to ever have the time or effort to be a Fake as that person.
@toughTiger6481
Thank you for responding and understanding it's so appreciated!
I'm sorry you can relate but your acceptance of it all is admirable. It's hopeful I too can just accept it and go along as best I can.
This is the best part about 7cuos you never feel alone 🤔.
Best
ABB 💜
@amiableBlackberry92
I have the exact same feelings as you ... thank you for sharing ...
Is this all we are gonna get in this life?....
@turquoiseBranch8244
Hopefully this is not all there is. Thx for responding to my post. 💜 ABB
@amiableBlackberry92 hi ❤ I don't even look into people's eyes when I talk to people I look at the ground. I fear human traits especially anger and trust. 2 things that terrify me. I'm glad you have a nice family now and are well away from your abusers.❤ Trust is always gonna be hard for us, but faith and hope might pull you through. I'm lucky I live in a care home I don't have to leave the home and meet people. But I know that's not a great thing to do. Please keep on trying your not n the right path now ❤ I wish you all the best
@Tinywhisper11
Thank you for your kind words. It's appreciated. I am lucky now I do have a safe place to live. I'm glad your safe in a care home now.
I'm glad we can support each other here on 7 cups.
Best
ABB 💜
@amiableBlackberry92 having children of your own is a very special blessing. I'm so glad you have love in your life now. ❤ things will get easier for you and me and all of us, just as long as we believe in ourselves, in the people around us, in the Good this world has to offer us ❤ my sons name was joshua. I often think if I could have a girl I would name her Leah. Did you get to choose your children's names?
@Tinywhisper11
Your words hold so much truth. We just need to believe in the good.
Yes I named my children and I love them so much. They are the one shining thing I did right . I taught them love and kindness and responsibility. They are both married, have good jobs and beautiful pets. They care about people and are both gentle honest additions to society . I love the name you gave your son. It's beautiful and holds a lot of hope.
ABB 💜💜
