2 Truths and 1Lie
TW Physical Abuse
I wonder sometimes if there ate people who resonate, so I want to share a symptom of trauma so small and yet so deeply embedded, I’m not sure it’ll ever go away.
So my dad was physically abusive but only to us kids, never to my mom. Sometimes when he got violent, my mom would be in the room (assumedly feeling helpless) but she always sided with dad.
As a kid, I would try talk with my mom and the abuse, and she denied that it even happened…on top of blaming me for it happening…I’ll let you work out that logic.
But as a kid, I fought so hard to convince my mom of what she saw, and she’d say I was lying or being dramatic. I know it seems crazy, but it feels so much more traumatizing than the abuse itself.
To this day, we cannot talk about dad. If we do, she’ll go so far off topic to bring up anything I ever did, just to avoid admitting anything. And it left me with this seemingly permanent trauma symptom: Every time I talk about my dads abuse, I immediately think I’m lying.
How crazy is that?!? I invalidate myself now cuz I can’t make the thought go away, making it difficult to discuss the abuse freely. I wonder if anyone else resonates?
@EzerKenegdo
Hello, I am so sorry that your mom refuses to validate your truth. Maybe a bit of husband Protection going on there. Your truth is how you felt it and saw it. Nobody can change the fact that it was So now you feel caught in this loop of whether was it real or not. To better understand the feelings and thoughts surrounding the abuse, because the Body Keeps the score will take a little detective work.
Your brain is still being triggered by what happened, sometimes the brain does not interpret the situation accurately. I agree that I have had this happen to me too.
I think your mother's denial of all of those experiences constitutes emotional abuse/neglect. Her denial isn't something separate, it's part of the system of abuse. I don't think your mom does that on purpose, but denying the problem was likely how she coped and is still coping.
You can try something if you have a few minutes. It's a little imagery technique that can help with trauma. If you imagine one of the first times you tried to talk with your mom. Really, sit in a quiet place and imagine like you are in a movie theater and that scene is on the screen. In your mind's eye, imagine pausing that scene. Now your job is the change it...you are the director and you can change anything about it you want. Ask yourself, how is this little me feeling? Now, what does she need and want? You can literally change anything, send mom somewhere to heal and bring her back, bring in any character, even take little you out of there and bring her somewhere safe. There is no limit on what you change. After each change, check back in with little you. How is she feeling? What does she need/want?
We can't change the past, but this exercise is about communicating with your subconscious...letting that little you know that the bad thing is over and it's ok to feel safe now. When you are having that feeling like you are lying, it's really like that little you is communicating with you. This technique is a way to communicate back to her is the language of the subconscious.
I don't know how to edit my post, but just realized that I put "she" but don't know what your gender is. Just replace with whatever makes sense for you ;)