A book never read or written.

A lot has happened to me since I can remember until now as long as I have been around people life has been horrible.

From early school to primary school I was bullied , socially alienated .Even my parents were manipulated against me . They also had habit of not talking directly rather talk indirectly twisting it which causes more misunderstanding. They knew all that I was being bullied they did nothing don't know why perhaps they never took it seriously took it as just a little fight. I know they love me but never felt being loved don't know how it feels .

Their love language have been just providing with everything materialistically. Only 3 yrs which I get to be with myself in my own room no people around me ,my work , my foods life has been peaceful but even now everyday those memories hit and few time it pushed me to brink of taking extreme decision even in pain when I shared it with my parents they started blaming that they did so much for me worked hard for me now I'm making them feel like bad parent 2 yrs ago .

After last extreme breakdown of mine where I was pushed to so much pain and hopelessness that I had never imagined just by the memory of past things i decided to gather courage one last time and talk as i talked to them they understood or acted i don't know .

They told they trust me with everything there is no one more important than me . He believes no one more than me . When I talked about how their action hurt me . He said he could remember he ever did such a thing . He said he can't do such thing.

I know I'm telling all thiss but missing context of incidents but I m not comfortable talking about it that specially incident though many things had happened to me in hostel too like

I was beaten by a guy and his friends who were jeaulous of me . Once a guy and his friends kicked and punched me in stomach.

Once I was pulled out of my bed thrown in stairs and punched by two people while being dragged in very low lit hostel them pushed out of door where one teacher punched me for what I caan remember though i didn't had sense of time at thaat time but I would say 10 mins then stones were thrown at me then they laughed at me .One guy hit my face with a thick stick.

I didn't believe my father would believe me so I never told him these things what happened at hostel though he saw me few time getting beaten. Once I told him few incidents and requested him please get me out of this school he declined . All my childhood i have felt completely emotionally alone never felt someone who i can share everything with what i have written is nothing compared to what I have been through. Even at home people manipulated my image , destroyed my image , when I cried when I asked for help no one came, no one .

Although I don't need anyone I don't need . I'm good and love peace which personal room privacy offers to me . For being happy I need just a room and good income, financial independence just this . I feel scared of any human relationship. I feel scared that even closed one can turn against me or change their face completely suddenly which has happened many time . I feel non judged . I feel happy on my own and feel uncomfortable even in my own home.