Abortion
Hi everyone,
I am new to 7cups. So I’m not sure if I’m doing this thread correctly. If anyone can guide me in finding a support group that deals with this topic, that would be great.
2 years ago, I was in a four year relationship. Out of that relationship I ended up pregnant. After some consideration, I decided to terminate my pregnancy. I was 25 at that time, I started a new job, I still live at home with my mom. I was honestly very surprised and slightly happy, and yet very scared of that pregnancy. I just knew the moment wasn’t right, I know I would like to bring a child into this world when I am settled. During my teenage years & adulthood, my mom had embedded this fear into me that she would kick me out of the house if I ever ended up pregnant. With so many factors, I decided to abort. To this day, I feel very conflicted about it. My ex broke up with me two months after I terminated. Although he was supportive with my decision, he wasn’t emotionally supportive. Therefore, I felt like I bottled up a lot of my feelings. I felt very alone after we ended things because I didn’t have anybody else to talk about what I went through.
Within time, I noticed my mom would heavily bring up abortion into our conversations. I had a hunch that she knew what I did. I have a feeling she probably went through my things and found paperwork about it. I honestly wanted to keep this to myself, deal with it on my own. But it’s always been hurtful whenever my mom brings it up and shares her conservative opinions, how sinful it is to abort.
Last week my mom and I got into an argument. She took me by surprised, and brought up that she knew that I aborted. She shamed me and guilt me over it. We were supposed to go on a Europe trip together next month. She decided to remove me out the flight and hotel reservations to punish me. She has given me an ultimatum of seeking a religious group to talk about my abortion or else she doesn’t want to talk to me. This has been so hurtful, and I find it very toxic and immature of her to punish me for something I did two years ago. I wish she would realize how unhinged it is. And how it affects me. I also hope she would notice how her actions have made me not confide in her for any help. I feel like I shouldn’t have to explain to her for what I did. And I’m quite grown to have made the decision for myself. Do I feel great about it? No. And I don’t think I ever will. But it was a decision that was right for me at that time.
Has anyone experience this before? Feeling conflicted after an abortion. And has had issues with family finding out about it ?
@PeachyPeach7
Hello. It is sad to hear about your losing your child and about the painful feelings you are going through because of your difficult decision.
In my personal views I am mostly against abortion, but I am one of the last people who could condemn you for that: I am a child from a pregnancy that could have been ended with an abortion, and from a very immature marriage that should have never happened (but ended up after a few children instead). Is that good that I was born? I can't tell you that. Sorry, I just don't know 😊 It just happened. No one of us has the power to change the past. And in my teenage and young years (before I became a father) I was strongly pro-abortion.
But coming back to the most important things: I agree this is you who made a decision, but it was, I believe, highly influenced by what your mother had been telling you through the years. How would you feel about reaching out for help to her?
What might have happened if you had some quiet and frank conversation with your mother, telling her how hard it was for you and what were you dreaded of when making such a difficult decision?
How do you think, what kind of a religious person your mother is: the one strictly sticking to a moral code, or the one believing that at the core of every religious belief there is LOVE, and acceptance to other people, despite them being imperfect?
I think taking part in a religious group doesn't make you a different person. I believe it is not about this trip to Europe, too.
It is all about you two: a daughter and a mother, the relationship between the two of you. And about the mother not leaving her daughter alone when she is in pain...
hi love. i had a similar situation as you. my boyfriend at the time was abusive. when we found out i was pregnant i wanted the baby i just couldnt live with the fact that my ex would be their father and also the fear of having my family find out. so i aborted. i was all alone, my boyfriend at the time didn’t give a f*** how i was feeling he actually ignored me for most of it. i remember my mom telling me if i ever got pregnant that she would take it and raise it as her own bcuz she thinks abortion isnt right. its horrible to me that she’d rather have me have a baby with a horrible person than get rid of it. anyways long story short i feel conflicted about my abortion. i like to think she was girl and she’d be two years old right now. its a horrible feeling to feel conflicted. i ended up in the pysch ward and told my dad about mg abortion and i could see in his face how disappointed he was