Advice
Hey everyone,
I don’t know if this is the right place for it but here I go. I’m paranoid of this getting back to her, but I’m waiting on my appointment with the VA to get my therapist covered under insurance again so this is the best I’ve got. So. My mom and I have a really complex relationship. She has caused me a lot of trauma, which has led to extreme PTSD issues. I’m working on it lol. But a few years ago my dad committed unalive and my mom and little sister are disabled. I moved back home to take care of them. I have been doing so for about over 3 years now. My relationship with my mother has gotten better, but there are still times where I feel so much rage towards her. She doesn’t ask for my help, she demands it. And when I don’t cave, she gets so passive aggressive. There are days where I feel awful, like I do right now, as I myself have recently been rated 100% disabled by the VA. Those days, I’m literally doing everything in my power just to stay upright. Today is one of those days. But every time, I leap to go help and I don’t know why I do that. I feel immense guilt for saying no, especially since I know how much pain she is in but sometimes I just CANT. It’s frustrating, considering she doesn’t not do the same for me. There has been big events I’ve missed, planned dates with my husband I’ve had to cancel, long stays in the hospital with her that have put my career at risk over and over. But when I got really sick and needed surgery, she and my sister went on a vacation to NC. Didn’t visit me until a week after they got back either. My best friend and husband were there taking care of me, luckily, but that broke my heart.
@leSbeaninCrisis that broke my heart just reading it😥 I'm so sorry sweetie, you've put up with alot🙁 I'm not gonna say my advice on this cause I know it's not easy for you. But I really do feel for you, please make sure your taking care of yourself too 💗 gives you a giant tiny hug 💗 always here for you 💗
@leSbeaninCrisis It's hard saying no. Especially when it's someone who makes saying no harder than it should be Chances are she knows the guilt saying no causes you.
Hello, thank you for your reply. I appreciate it a lot. My mom has MS, relapsing and remitting. Sometimes she’s fine and others she is very much not. It’s a toss up, really, she could take a downward turn at any minute really. Additionally to that, her medication has stopped working in delaying her lesion load so she’s gets worse every year. I have a severe phobia of unaliving. My parents stopped talking to me right before my dad’s death. Radio silence from them until he unalive himself. My biggest fear is unaliving. My mom talks constantly about how she’s gonna unalive soon and I believe her. This is a truth I’ve had to come to terms with since I was 13. But. This phobia has a grip on me. It was compounded upon when my sister attempted unalive about a year ago. I guess that’s a part of what keeps me stuck here. Locked into this state. I don’t know. Sorry if that doesn’t make sense.
@leSbeaninCrisis It does make sense. It's never easy losing a parent and to lose one to su**ide would be traumatic. I'm so sorry for your loss. I would imagine there's a constant fear of not knowing what you might find and for her to say that all the time and with your sister's attempt ... your fear is understandable
