Can't function in life

I'm 17. I come from a family in NY that doesn't work doing good things, if you know what I mean. Through my years I've been beaten, burned, locked in closets, locked in crawl spaces, no food and water, yelled at and cursed at, staged kidnapping by my father where he would pay his guys to take me in the middle of the night to some far away warehouse and punish and hurt and torture me for days until he calmed down. In between all this my mom had cancer and was sick and was afraid of my father so just did mostly what he said and couldn't protect me much. I have always done sports to meet coaches to help me like parent me and give me the attention I want. I used sports for that. I still do. Now I golf. My father leaves me home alone for months at a time still hurting me just not as much. I am autistic, have PTSD, and probably more stuff wrong but what my real problem is now is that I have only one adult in my life, my golf coach. And I have a thousand problems everyday. He is overwhelmed and does his best but we keep fighting. I am in this cycle where if he doesn't give me enough attention and stuff I run away and then he and I argue and fight and he yells and says he will be done with me if I keep on doing it, but I feel like I just react and can't stop. Tried therapy, doesn't help they tell me to breathe or go to the gym but my pain is so so so so so so much stronger then that I just can't function everyday. Since abused my dad never really put me in school I just home schooled with my own IEP program which he stopped this year, where I should be a junior in high school. I just have one friend and my coach. I'm scared all the time, can't relate to kids my age because I think I'm younger emotionally I'm told, and I feel like I want my coach to be my parent but he won't, he says there is boundaries. And that hurts me everyday because he loves me as a friend and athlete but won't take me in. Nobody will. Nobody has ever wanted me. This is the first adult who had loved me and I'm messing everything up because I want not them he can give and he just can't do more. I feel lonely and isolated and like I need direction from a parent and just I'm really struggling 💔