Change VS Normalization

 🌸  So as traumatized people often do, I have big wishes. I want future teens to be able to have an option of escape in an abusive place, whether it's neglect, emotionnal abuse... But not only that. To be able to be understood on complex things, to be believed, because unfortunately, not everyone benefits from trustworthy people and seeing things like: In danger, go to adults you trust. But what if, all your life, those adults were always the ones hurting you? Not everyone has a kind professor who has their back, or even a functionnal school to begin with. In some countries, abuse is never spoken of, not even physical, or barely. And it's okay to acknowledge that. Sometimes, you don't need big words but to say, "I believe you" is already making a HUGE difference. And so, even if I'm not in the position to make big moves right now, I aspire to be the person who's honest and I will never support abuse. I want to inspire you, even if we don't know each other, to maybe help some child you know in a difficult unhealthy situation. 🌂

   But the sad truth is the reason why so many decent, good people don't do anything, I realized, is because of something called normalization. Normalization happens to both witnesses, and victims/survivors; which become witnesses themselves. And I myself fell for that in all it's sides, though to a lesser degree than my sister and the others of the family. It's basically becoming so attuned to something terrible, that you don't notice how it affects you or others anymore. A really good example is with my cats.

📢  TW: Pet abuse, skip paragraph if you want

   **
    So it was very obvious father didn't want the cats. He complained, complained, complained. And then one day, he accidentally closed the door on one of the kittens from our female cat. And obviously, as any mother would normally do, she did what she thought as protecting her child/kitten. And so she jumped on him attacking him. SO, he took it as an occasion to let the cats out of the house. Which are cats who were previously never allowed outside. Always lived at home. I can still hear the mother screaming in the night because of other cats who come stealing their food, placed in the garden, or attacking the kittens. I don't know if they feel emotionnal distress like we do, but if they do, then they do feel pretty damaged. Because of the incident, he never lets them in the house, and we have to not let them too. On the earlier days, we used to have to close the doors on rooms with open windows, so the mommy cat couldn't enter, as he was "scared of her". But now, she only starts making noise in the late night, helpless as I am, to make change, reluctant to stay here, and the cats learned to be scared of us, without distinction. They normalized to the situation, and I did too, tho it disgusts me.

**

📢 TW END

😵‍💫

So it shows that whether you're a child or a cat, you learn to normalize things. The younger you are, the easier it is. Helplessness plays a big part in it, and also this thing : nuance. This damned question: 

 But what if it's not all black or white? What if they change? 😵‍💫

  It's what we see in movies, what we're taught our whole lives. To not put labels on people, to be tolerant. But sometimes, that tolerance isn't placed on the right people. Sometimes, labels are needed when they help you understand yourself better, or when you need to explain the behavior of those who messed you up. Sometimes, we can not explain things with words. That's why we need empathy. But empathy is often not enough if you don't have practical help. Sometimes, like in my case, you start crumbling.

And despair has one good thing, it makes you do anything to find a solution. In my case, it's how to escape. Tomorrow, I'm seeing someone and I'll be honest for the first time. Because I need help, while being taken seriously. If I learned one thing about depression, it's that it makes sense.

Depression is here for a reason. It needs to tell you something. It's a symptom, more than the problem. 

Tomorrow I'll start my last-chance plan

✊

 Thanks to anyone who read all of that. If anything, I just want what this site gave me, because that's what I can get here. Words of encouragement and support. Because words do matter, they did help me a lot. And if empathy and practical stuff have to go separetely, I'll take it gratefully as it is. Here I know I'm not too much, because mental health is what this place is for.

This web space. 🌠

Anyways, it was me.