Could this be COCSA? (it may be triggering)
So it's been months since i got very unpleasant memories from past. I cannot get rid of them and they make me exetremly worried and upset.
When i was 6, my cousin who's just 4 months older than me, pressured me into a very gross and inaprioprate play. I said no multiple times, but since i'm a people pleaser, i unwillingly agreed. I hated every second of it and i knew it was wrong even back then. The weird part is that i haven't thought sbout it for years and now i get these memories daily. They make me very upset.
But thankfully i managed to get more at ease around him during family meetings. Still because of this event i've gotten myself into bad coping mechanisms like self harm, intense emotions, hopelessness and touch aversion. It may sound weird, but i'm not mad at my cousin. I haven't told any family member, so i won't ruin his family relations. I do not blame him for what happenned back then.
I hope i'm not being overdramatic, but i really need some advice on how to cope with it. It bothers me a lot.
@bluePal85
You are not being dramatic.
And getting it off your chest helps.
I understand your feelings, re feeling ok with your cousin now, as he was also a child and not aware at the time.
It's important however not to use unhealthy coping mechanisms but to start finding effective ones that allow you to start towards a path of healing 🧡
@bluePal85 awww honey I'm so sorry that happened to you 😥 trauma really sucks 🙁 I'm glad you felt safe enough to open up a bit here 💖 coping with trauma is not easy, the best advice I can give you is to be patient/ kind to yourself through this time💖 also opening up to someone can be very helpful💖 I hope you start feeling better soon 💖gives you a giant tiny hug 💗
Thank you for supoort! hugs back
I feel it's unlikely to be COCSA, considering his age, but it could be, especially if he was also being sexually abused (people pass these things forward). That being said, it may be something to address in therapy... or to talk to a listener here about if youre not ready for therapy
Wishing you the best of luck. Feel free to reach out if you need to talk directly