Facing Holiday Associated Trauma

Dear Readers,

For many, this time of year is associated with warmth, togetherness, and childhood memories. For survivors of trauma, however, this time of year may be exceptionally difficult. For many of us, it may feel as though we’re left outside in the cold, looking through frosted windows to witness the burning embers of the more fortunate. When trauma occurs within the familial structure, the holes in one’s life become viscerally evident, especially in the face of traditional family values. For many of us, the gaps we feel become somehow widened and seemingly bottomless. So, what can we do to cope with this specific type of grief?

1. Chosen Family

Chosen family is one of the greatest gifts of humankind. When you’re left with a family that constantly challenges your wellness, perpetuates toxicity, or allows abuse, the natural response is to create space. In my case, I moved clear across the country and intentionally placed myself in the center of healthier individuals with the purpose of learning new family dynamics. Chosen family will often supersede bloodlines with their kindness, consistency, and devotion. When our family members break our hearts we always have the option to rebuild. To this day, those closest to me are not actually related to me.

2. The Power of “No”

If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed this time of year don’t be afraid to set some firm boundaries. Frequently, we feel performative pressure to convene with family members, host events, decorate, participate, or spend money. The truth is this is a social construct that no one is required to adhere to, primarily those affected by generational trauma or dysfunctional families. You do not owe anything to anyone, and I encourage you to be less afraid to point that out when pushed beyond your comfort zone this holiday season.

3. Create New Traditions

It’s true that love and fear can not exist in the same space. Once we achieve a certain level of healing, it’s important to break out of the mold and do things differently. In my experience, I have found that breaking the cycle of trauma is often reinforced by new traditions and memories. My children will never know what my childhood was like, and for that I am grateful.

4. Gratitude

Gratitude is the guardian of your joy, plain and simple.

5. Volunteer

It goes without saying that the holiday season often brings about more opportunities to volunteer. Giving back to your community is a great way to contribute kindness where it is most needed, connect with others who may be in similar circumstances, and promote your own healing.

Hopefully some of these words resonate with you, as I know all too well the void trauma can bring, but I also know it can be filled again. 🍵

Thank you for being here. Please stay safe and encouraged this holiday season.

✨💕✨