I can never ask friends for support
Both now and in the past I always try to support my friends because 1) That's what friends do and 2) because I like supporting my friends whenever I can. Even if it's 'only' emotional support or a listening ear so they can vent. But most of the friendships in my life have turned toxic or broken down as soon as I asked for any kind of support. Even though the same people would often give and take support from others.
Is anyone else in the same boat right now? Like you can't ask anybody for emotional support?
@Dandelion0Here
i used to ask for help/ support/ a listening ear and like you said ..........many many would take any help i could give them but were not there for me. I also had a friend share items with someone else but she twisted what was said and........ once burned i have chosen to not share much...
i think i have found my friends like to try to fix items they have no clear understanding for and so i do not feel the emotional strength to spend telling them why their simple solution will not work.
it is a hard choice sometimes talking in a setting like this with complete strangers i can talk freely but some advice or suggestions fall flat as it is hard to catch someone up with all the details to a situation.
@toughTiger6481
I understand. I feel the same when people try to "fix me". Even therapists and counsellors often seem stumped and suddenly fall into black-and-white thinking. I am sorry that you had such an awful experience with that friend. You didn't deserve that at all.
@toughTiger6481 I wish that people had standards for how to be there for a friend. Standards beyond fixing and acting like they are all perfect so now they are going to tell you. Like expressing compassion and understanding, letting a person say what they need to see and be how they need to be. It feels like they are pretty much telling me to shut up because I am being "too negative". But they don't want to say "shut up" because they know they aren't supposed to do that. So they will say something like " I hope that you find your peace!" They say that after their long schpeel that pretty much is just self congratulatory and superior blather.
@phoenix1865
Friends are not what they used to be..... everyone is an armchair psychologist and they think instead of listening they can try to fix items. It is one of my real regrets that people no longer can be supportive just to be there for someone.
@Dandelion0Here Yup! Exactly! That's why I am on 7cups right now. All broken down. I am sorry that you are going through it too.
@phoenix1865
Yeah, I can imagine. I hope we all find supportive real life and/or online friends.
@Dandelion0Here You are not alone. When I had a bad mood or something I want to share, I told my friends. They are more likely to correct me and rather than comfort me. They think that really help me, but actually I just want to be comforted. Now I try to solve some things by myself. However we may can try to tell our friends what we hoped they do. Everything will be fine, and I believe that we can find a way.
@littleBarry177
I know, right? It's normal to want/need comfort from friends and/or family sometimes. It doesn't mean that one never tackles and solves problems on their own. I think maybe more friendships would benefit from some blunt honesty like: "I have an issue I'm working through, but it's hard and it'll take a while. Can you please give me a bit of comfort/reassurance while I do my best to work through the issue?"