I don't know TW: CSA mention

Hello, I'm sorry, I know I've already made a similar post and you can check that for more context if you want, but I feel like my trauma of being sexualized by my father when I was younger is invalid because a part of me thinks I am exaggerating. He stopped doing those things when I hit puberty so it's really hard for me to remember anything and I feel so ugly and fat all the time so another part of my brain thinks it's impossible for him to even think of me like that, why would he? what's there to look at? what's worse is that I want him to like me like that, because nobody ever will and because I want the truth. My friend told me I need evidence for the truth to come out and I know that, I'm not stupid, but I just want to know, I want to understand, and I don't.