I'm very lost.

I am in a severe emotional crisis right now and I feel completely trapped, isolated, and overwhelmed.

I carry a huge amount of deep, long-term trauma—including severe childhood abuse, ra**, torture, and intense bullying—on top of losing my mother to cancer which was my only Family now I'm completely by myself. I also suffer from BPD, severe depression, and agoraphobia that keeps me inside the house. Because of all this trauma, my nervous system is in constant survival mode, and I know I can be emotionally overwhelmed or difficult to deal with even though I'm trying hard not to be.

Recently, my relationship reached a breaking point. My partner sent explicit pictures to another man a while ago, breaking my trust. When I expressed my hurt, instead of offering reassurance or understanding, she dismissed my feelings, treated my pain like an annoyance, and blamed my mental health. I also saw her complaining to her mom about having to live with me.

Right now, I am stuck in a state of constant panic and terror. I feel helpless, unloved, and dependent on her for daily things because I can barely leave the bed. I have no money, no support system, and I feel completely stranded inside my own head and home. I desperately need help learning how to ground myself, process this trauma, and find safety but it feels like I'm holding myself back. Or something doesn't let me. I feel so insecure even sharing this now here.