I need help
Hi everyone.
This is really hard for me. I'm a 33 year old woman newly married, happily so to the most amazing woman and getting on with life.
A couple of months ago I got a call from the police to say they wanted to reopen my sexual assault / rape case from when I was 6 as he's hurt other people and they have come forward now. It's thrown me and my entire family into a downward spiral of ptsd and bad memories. They have awknowledged they did wrong by me as a child by not charging him or anything after my parents reported it to the police.
I'd only just managed to get over the worst of my nightmares in the last couple of years after a very hard fight with myself.
I don't know if I can carry on anymore. It hurts too much. I'm reliving it all again day in day out.
I feel like I have to help the other victims and give my statement but I also may end up damaging myself in the process.
Any advice would be wonderful
Thank you x
@powerfulCherry6166 I’m sorry this happened to you. And I’m sorry nothing was done about it at the time, it’s like trauma on top of trauma. I would feel the same way right now having to reopen everything.
It sounds like you feel passionately about helping the other victims. You are a great person. Do you think you might regret it later in life if you don’t help?
I don’t think it’s helpful for me to tell you it won’t hurt or it will all be ok. Because at times it won’t feel ok. It will be tough. Reopening an old wound is horrible. But I think you’ll be better off working through it now than letting the wound stay partly healed. You mentioned I believe about how the nightmares had finally just stopped. So I understand this feeling of peace and not wanting them to start up again. This is totally relatable, and you can go as slowly as you need, take breaks, at your own pace. From my experience, I have had times of respite like that, but eventually some trigger happened unexpectedly to cause them to start up again, and I was unprepared. For me it wasn’t even the kind of “bad” trigger I might’ve expected. It was a positive event in my life, having a child. Becoming a mother gave me a new perspective on my childhood traumas and brought out a protectiveness in me. But it made me relive everything a new and difficult way.
What I’m really trying to say is, we can’t bury our past. We don’t need to work on healing 24/7. It’s very important to focus on our lives now and have fun (I’m only just starting to realize how much). But I think it’s important to do some healing work so that we are better prepared for surprise triggers (like this one you’re facing now). There are a lot of techniques and strategies, but ultimately what’s helped me the most is having a sense of taking my power back. I’m only just starting to learn how to do this myself. It’s telling yourself that you’re safe now, that the person can’t hurt you anymore, that you are older and can protect yourself, that you have a good life and people who love you. It might be doing certain actions that help you feel safer, like having a dog, living where you want, trying something that used to scare you. Standing up against this person legally together with others could be one great way to take your power back.
Does your partner know about what happened to you? If not, I hope you might consider telling her so that she could have a chance to be a part of your support circle. I hope you’ll continue to write here as you need as well. I’d love to help support you. Sometimes an outlet like this is helpful for things we might not be able to say in-person.
Yes my partner knows and she is one of the only things holding me together right now. Without her I really would be lost.
I'd regret not helping everyone else involved I also think deep down I'd regret it for not doing it for myself also. I have to remember to put myself first alot of the times because I always think of everyone else first.
The man that did this to me is due up for parole in November turns out he's been in prison for the same type of offence for the last 8 years.
I'm not hard to find we still have friends in common from the time it happened as we lived in the same town the supportive people I had then still support me now but the people who didn't belive are friends with some of these people.
I'm scared he will find me if he gets out.
@powerfulCherry6166 I understand. I hope if he’s been in prison during that time, the fact that he already has a proven record of violence and sentencing would show so much that he needs to be locked up longer that much more. That makes sense from what I know of the legal system.
I think my response came across wrong. I appreciate your responses I was trying to let you know I have always struggled to put myself first. It's something I don't do normally. Trauma response I suppose. I do everything for everyone else no matter the outcome for me. I think going forward would help me finally get closure. It's been 27 years. I know it will never go away properly but it might help. I have no therapist or councilors. I'm in the process of trying to get some help.
I apologise for how my response came across. I'm dyslexic and struggle to write with punctuation. That doesn't help..
I value your time and effort in responding to me. Nothing you said was bad in anyway.
@powerfulCherry6166 Hey ❤️ You didn’t write anything wrong, no need to apologize. I just read it wrong. I’m sorry. I was a little nervous about saying the wrong thing when I first wrote, so I probably put some of my own insecurities into it.
Thank you for your kind words. It means alot. It took alot for me to reach out and to write here. I think the anonimity helped alot. My wife is most definitely my anchor
Thank you