In therapy and am reeling

(TW: Possible SA)

I've had a long period of being socially isolated and have recently (4 months) started therapy. It's good but it sent me down a direction that is just a lot to deal with.

Today we had our 4 months evaluation. I'm actually noticing I'm improving in things I've always struggled with in life. At my work, I show up at time, I don't dawdle as I used to. I've also struggled with self esteem issues my whole life and last week, I've actually had a moment, if just an hour, where I felt comfortable with myself which was massive and so very odd.

At the same time it just feels so intense. I'm not used to feeling a lot of things, or talking about it. I'm really unfamiliar with even being a little open with someone like I am with my therapist. It's massively terrifying but she has been so welcoming and so kind along the way. 

This past week I've noticed real changes but also tremendous struggle in how strong it all feels. In the past, I've always experienced a lingering memory of being touched by someone when I was young, a medical professional. I've never known if it actually happened and disregarded it as just a quirky thought, but now I'm not sure. I've always felt ashamed of my body and would never have thought about even sharing that, but in my current therapy I'm not even sure what is relevant (the therapy is focusing on my social anxiety issues and self confidence, but the lines between where it all comes from starts to blur).

It's terrifying since I'm not sure if I want to bring it up, or should. If it's too much. I am just not used to sharing any of these things. I am really happy I am in therapy, but it is so hard too.

Thank you for anyone reading. I don't know if I can take much advice right now, but felt like I needed to share a little since my head has just been going haywire. I've never experienced a place where I could actually feel things and it's a lot.