Is this trauma?
Hi, I’ve had a pretty rough childhood (which no one notices at all) but I’m not sure if my experience is considered childhood trauma.
I’ve been lonely my entire life. Like at least 90 to 95 percent of the time I feel lonely and I feel introverted but I have always craved human connection that I could never get. I never had any close friends (people I could vent out to) and it caused my depression to be so much worse. I feel like I can’t cry even if I try to since my tears don’t fall down. That’s probably because my parents repeatedly called my tears cheap when I got in trouble with them, and it had led to me bottling all of my emotions. In the last two years the vast majority of days are pretty cold between me and my parents.
Let me know if this is trauma and what my next steps should be.
@crimsonBike1055 I've felt the confusion you are feeling now because the way I was treated didn't seem that bad compared to others, so you don't know whether to call it trauma or not. I don't know if you're like me, but if you are, maybe this could help. After reading a lot of books and doing a lot of reflection I realized that the way I was treated by my parents made me uncomfortable with expressing my true feelings. So, I would do a lot to hide it, and it was like I was wearing a mask around other people. I'm not an expert, but I do think it is trauma. I find myself speechless sometimes when I try to explain how I feel to my parents. And I think that happens because when I was younger, my brain associated expressing my feelings to my parents as something dangerous, because, like you, they would put down how I felt, so it feels like there isn't any point in saying anything at all, and that made me feel helpless. I read that trauma shuts down certain parts of the brain, and one of the parts has to do with speech. Since it's been going on for 2 years, I think the best thing would be to try and find a therapist who helps you feel safe so you can freely express yourself.
Thank you so much, that is so relatable! I just want to ask how you have managed that situation (with or without therapy), this really helps so much!
@crimsonBike1055 Well, I've read a lot of books, and I did go to therapy, and I think it can be worth it. Because sometimes books can be focused on explaining one situation, it might be better to go to therapy because it's a lot faster to specifically look at problems in your life. I was hesitant to go to therapy because it felt so weird to open up to other people. At a young age, I didn't get specific support from the people who were most likely to love and support me, aka my parents, so if the ones who seem like the most likely to accept you don't really do that, then how are you supposed to trust other people with real feelings? But I had someone in my life who convinced me to go, and I think it would be really good at the beginning of a healing journey or even later on to see any blind spots. I learned mostly through books about my bad habits and why I felt so reactive when I felt invalidated in social situations. But after learning a lot about my past and how kids should be treated. It feels like I can see the situation more clearly, before I would be swept up in emotions and shut myself down whenever I was feeling bad, but now I can analyze the thing that person said, and I can recognize why I felt so bad, and that clarity helps me feel calm, like I can see things in slow motion unfolding instead of being swept up and wanting to run away, and like I'm in more control. I'm still trying to implement better boundaries, and I'm slowly getting there. I hope you can do the same thing :)
If you're interested, one of the books that stood out to me the most was about feeling disconnected from your feelings and shutting yourself down instead of speaking up for yourself. I learned from an early age that it's easier to stay quiet and take punishment rather than stand up to it, because I got punished for standing up for myself. And I took those lessons into my relationships with other people, so it's harder to stand up to people in general. I think this book helps work through feelings instead of just shutting down and not doing anything about it. The book is called "It's not always Depression" by Hilary Jacobs Hendel. I would recommend reading the description, and if it sounds helpful, then you can buy it if you want to.
@crimsonBike1055 sits beside you and hugs you tightly 💗 trauma comes in many forms, so yes sweetie this is a form of trauma💖 your feelings and emotions matter very much, you don't have to compare or think that your trauma is any different from anyone elses 💖 you did really good opening up here today 💖 hugs you again 💖right here for you 💗
