Loss of pregnancies

For some may be its not trauma but for me it really is.

I lost 3 of my pregnancies and its soo hard to cope up. Some days im fine but other days im not. I keep remember the due dates and if i got to know someone have babies in same month it makes me sad and i cry. Im not jealous of others blessings. I feel Happy for them but at the same time i feel sad for my kids and what ifs . I feel sad for myself. I miss them.

I dont know how to explain my feelings and how not to explain What i feel. One day i was like i got it i process my grief and then there is a sudden trigger and i am back to crying and being sad.

I dont know why im posting and what im looking for.