Memory loss.. An i think its from all the trauma..
TW: Physical/Emotional and Verbal (probably other abuses too that I'm not recognizing at this time)
My childhood was far from grand, I had an emotionally unavailable mother and an alcoholic ptsd ridden father that refused to get the help he needed (still refuses it to this day). I have a younger sister whom is now and adult like myself. No hard feelings towards her, because it was not her fault that favoritism was displayed in our household by my father. He would purposely rub in my face that his connection with her was better than ours... and here is why he would physically abuse me in many ways I wont list them because its too graphic. An the verbal/emotional abuse was just as bad. To the point, that I mentally snapped and started to neglect myself because I thought that was the better option bringing me to people that would use me for sex, money and other things'. My grandparents always told me that I had a big heart full of love and compassion, I still do. However, my memory is terrible now as an adult because I have been through trauma after trauma, spiral after spiral. I just reached a point in my life now as a 26 yr old parent with a fiance, i just found my peace. I just feel bad because I get overwhelmed/overstimulated sometimes and get a little snappy. Which I do reel myself in rather quickly and apologize immediately.. It's so hard forgetting stuff all the time, I used to have good memory but not so much the case anymore sadly
Hi @PhoenixButterfly97. I'm sorry for your bad memory, I totally know how it feels, happened to me too. I can't remember my own age most of the time, I always forget things, I make so much more mistakes than in the past. The years of trauma and depression did their thing to my brain and every time I have a depression relapse, a little bit of myself falls apart and never comes back. It's the price we pay for it I guess.
But it's possible to live with it. I use reminders not to forget the important things.
@mish3l somedays are alittle harder than most especially with learning to unlearn alot of those toxic traits i never asked to learn in the first place. Sometimes, I have moments where my ptsd is real bad and I just shell up, but with all the recent progress i have made i am beyond proud of myself too. i am sorry you had to go through that as well.
It's the same with me. Sometimes I'm high, sometimes low, I'm learning to cope and get out from the well when I'm down there spiraling. Therapy helps a lot. And exactly, those bad habits are the hardest to overcome, closing myself inside. But the progress is there despite we're failing sometimes. The main thing is we're brave enough to get help.