Not sure I can be fixed
Possible TW?
In December 2023, two weeks before Christmas, my family and I were told we had till the end of the month to move ourselves out of the house we had been renting for 16 years. The house was owned by the church that I had been working for for 20 years. They decided that since it needed a new roof and a new heater and was almost 100 years old that it needed to be torn down.Then we were told we had until the end of January 2024 to move our things out. It took until the end of March 2024 to move everything out. It was a three bedroom with a full basement and garage and it was full. We were moving in with my husband‘s mother who had been in her house for 50 years and her house was full.
In the process of moving, I was forced to resign from my job. I haven’t been able to find a new job since. Any job I do find has to be remote and part-time because I can’t drive and I need to be available for my mother-in-law’s doctors appointments. It’s very frustrating and demoralizing.
I feel like I have no autonomy as a woman and like I just want to go home, but there is no home to go back to. At 47 I feel like I should just be able to suck it up and do what needs to be done. Instead, I spend most days hiding in bed. I don’t wanna eat. I don’t wanna shower. I don’t wanna people. I feel guilty for being in this funk but don’t know how to get out of it.
Sorry for dumping all of this on you all. I don’t know if it counts as trauma to anyone else but it sure as heck feels like it to me the day they tore down my house, I felt like my whole self was erased.
@amplectibu4omnes
🥺
Im so sorry you went through so much and lost your home and your job.
You shouldn't have to suck it up.
Women have been doing that for too long.
You deserve to process and be honest with how you feel.
Your mother in law is lucky to have you.
You have alot to offer and people love and depend on you.
That doesn't mean you are a robot and can do it all .
Don't be too hard on yourself.
Jump into that shower, hop out of bed, do something for you, don't let it become too long that it becomes impossible.
You deserve to be happy again 💜💕
I finally showered yesterday. Made dinner 3 times this past week. Got all of my clothes put away. Yesterday, went to storage and went through clothes there. Making bags for donation today.
How do I get past the feeling of wanting to go home? Living in my mil’s house is permanent. I can’t make changes to the main floor. The basement is a walk-out, and where our “room” is. I’ve hung a pretty curtain as a privacy wall.
Still job hunting. I need my life to have meaning again. Any advice?
@amplectibu4omnes
I want to start by saying—thank you for sharing this so honestly. 💌 What you’ve been through is absolutely a form of trauma. Losing the home you built your life in for 16 years 🏡, and at the same time being forced out of the job you held for 20 years 💼, isn’t just “a change.” It’s a deep loss of stability, identity, and belonging. Of course it feels like a piece of you was erased when the house came down—you weren’t just losing walls and a roof, you were losing a safe place that held your memories, routines, and sense of self. 🌙
It makes so much sense that you’re struggling now—with staying in bed 🛏️, not wanting to eat 🍽️, not wanting to shower 🚿, or pulling away from people. That’s not weakness—it’s your body and mind responding to a huge upheaval. 💔 Feeling guilty for being in this “funk” is understandable, but please remember: your reaction is human. 🌱 It doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re grieving.
At the same time, I hear the frustration in your words—the sense of being trapped, of losing autonomy, of wanting to go “home” but not having one. 🕊️ That longing is real, and it’s painful. And the fact that you’re even writing about this shows that somewhere inside, you do want to find a way forward—even if you feel stuck right now. ✨
Please know: this isn’t about “*** it up.” ❌ This is about giving yourself compassion 💜 as you move through real grief and transition. You’ve lost not just a house, but a home, a job, and a sense of control. Healing from that will take time.
You are not erased. 🌸 You are still here, even if right now it feels like you’re only barely holding on. And that matters. 🌻
Please know my pms / messages are always open for you. 💜
bubbles 💕🌸