Overly narcicist father
Please I feel so down currently, I might need to do this everyday I'm so grateful that I have a place to talk about this in.
Almost every week my father scolds me for having bodily instincts that hate him, like intentionally not doing eye contact or moving away for my father's seat because my intuition always tells me that I'm not in a comfortable position with him (this is only a small portion of it)
And now my father is making a problem about it, it's supposed to make him wake up that he's wrong but I guess Im at fault??? . I've been dealing with this for years and I've had so much coping strategies like working out everyday (it was fueled with self hate), writing, running 4AM in the morning, meditating, they work, but I couldn't ge far to healing with them only. I needed to touch the root cause which is trauma by my father.
This is the most effective coping strategy I've found, by seeking help, I'm so worried about my future and that's why I do this, even though it's only ranting out by typing right now.
Thank you so much for reading this. I'm dealing with alot right now. Thank you so much.
@reliableShade7850
Your situation sounds like a person growing up and wants to be treated more as a young adult then a child. the transition from parent and child.... to a parent and grown child is a struggle for most everyone.
You write of doing things that are supposed to "wake him up or prove he is wrong".
If we go thru life trying to prove others are wrong or assigning blame it becomes where others, see traits in you they do not want to be around. Coping is not fixing it is avoiding the issue.
Have you instead spoke with him about how you feel? That is the bridge to improving your future interactions.
I have became vulnerable to him before, I have spoke "I feel hurt by that comment." while crying and he always responds "You're weak", "Why are you the one stressed?", "You're an adult, arent you ashamed of yourself?" and I feel like he likes saying that when Im vulnerable, I dont know his tone says it all.
Also I am confident he's a narcissist because of his self centeredness and inability to feel discomfort, if he feels discomforted he will shame me, my mother or my brother, like "Youre so useless!, you should be grateful!" He yells too when he does that.
Sorry, that time I was just feeling really bad, I hate it when this thing affects how I communicate to other people. I'm not trying to prove him "wrong" but I'm just saying that he's wrong for the sake of myself, please. I wont know what to believe anymore if I am wrong because I feel like a slave to him, like this feeling of doubt really really hurts me, it's challenging my reality. I'm experiencing it right now, please affirm me on this...
Ive read numerous psychology books on narcicism and thats why I identify him as a narcicist, I am just really worried sbout my future because this problem is affecting my communication...
Thank you for your reply. I know this might be a big problem and I might need a councelor for this one, but this was the most comfortable place for me to rant out to. I hate the doubt though, please affirm me.
There's alot of abuse I haven't opened about yet, my mother also know that he's an NPD, and my brother also knows that he is an NPD, and the good thing is that I've been the one maintaining this relationship wih mother and brother so we are able to sustain ourselves. Sorry, I didn't give enough information. It was my fault and not your fault for assuming that.
@reliableShade7850
I did not want to assume there was abuse but now that you talk of it makes sense.
Glad you tried to talk and when dealing with someone even with narcissist traits when we label without real diagnosis it taints how we look and deal with the situation. We get defensive or prepare for the worst. it is our brains self-protection response but if we always project negative, we should not expect the positive outcomes.
Dealing with someone like this takes calm and clear communication. Not in heat of disagreement or emotion. Often hard to do as when things are smooth, we try to not rock the boat. It also would help if whole family can support a conversation. When you see the pattern, you can disregard his verbal abuse. when he says he is ashamed you can say well that is something you can work on.... bullies which is what he is only are effective IF people react to it.
I understand wht it feels like. My father dismisses my voices always and never tolerates any sort of discussion although acts like he does. He shouts to supress what i say and if i raise my voice to be heard he insults me badly and threatens to abandon me.
I understand wht it feels like. My father dismisses my voices always and never tolerates any sort of discussion although acts like he does. He shouts to supress what i say and if i raise my voice to be heard he insults me badly and threatens to abandon me.
It's not ur fault you deserve to be in a safe home where u feel loved and comfortable if anything gets to bad you won't get in trouble but call this number 800-950-6264 they will talk to you about what's going on and if u need to talk here's my number aswell 6802902525