Plan to escape from parents
I need to talk about something vulnerable. Last year when I traveled to Paris and Italy, I had a series of experiences with different men. It wasn’t just about attraction — I think it was connected to how controlled I feel at home.
In Paris, I opened up emotionally to someone about how restricted I feel in my family. I told him I feel like I’m not allowed to love, date, or live freely. I realized how much emotional pain I carry about that.
In Italy, I acted impulsively and had intimate encounters. In those moments, I felt wanted and free. But afterward, I felt confused, sad, and empty. I noticed that I sometimes chase intimacy not because I truly want the person, but because I want escape, validation, or control over my own body and choices.
I also noticed I get very attached quickly, and when someone pulls away, I feel rejected deeply. It connects to how I feel unheard and controlled at home.
I’m starting to think my behavior isn’t random — it’s a reaction to feeling suffocated in my family environment.
I don’t want to keep making impulsive decisions just to feel free. I want to understand why I seek escape through men, and how I can build independence in a stable way instead of emotionally risky ways.
( I remember myself how I was writing paragraphs to both of them to help me escape and leave with them and I wasn’t fully trusted them )
Yes still I’m thinking to escape and leave them because of what they are and how they treat me controlling me I’m an old adult and tell today I can’t speak with people freely I learn that I let people satisfied even if I’m not because we care about their opinion 😞😞😞
@practicalShip4438
I am so sorry you are going through this. I hear how much pain, restriction, and loneliness you are carrying. Thank you for trusting 7 cups enough to share something so vulnerable—that takes immense courage.
Please know that your reactions make complete sense. When we are suffocated, we crave air, and sometimes that desperation drives us to look for escape in ways that aren't safe or healthy.
It is not your fault that you have been placed in this position.
You are not broken; you are responding to an unhealthy environment.
As a friend, I want to help you take "tiny steps" towards true, secure independence. You can do this slowly and safely.
Here are some ideas of maybe ways to start. They are brainstorm ideas and you can pick and choose what might work for you.
To build your emotional foundation, start by acknowledging your worth. You deserve to be heard, free, and loved unconditionally, not controlled.
Stop blaming yourself for how your life has turned out or for trying to escape. You were trying to survive.
You can start separating emotionally by “quietly quitting” some of your activities at home before you move out. Mentally "leave" first—stop relying on them for emotional validation and start filling that space with your own hobbies, passions, or friendships.
Some brainstorm ideas for tiny practical steps to independence might include to start gathering your passport, birth certificate, ID, bank details and other important documents. Keep them in a safe place, maybe with a trusted friend if you think it will be too bulky if you have to leave quickly.
If you can, open a separate bank account that they cannot access. Start saving even tiny amounts of money.
Establish small, daily routines that are just for you—a walk, a café visit, the gym—to reclaim your time and autonomy.
While planning for the future, try to identify safe people, your “tribe” in your life, that you can trust. Try to at least mentally map out a network of people you can trust.
Identify a safe haven, a place to go if you need to leave quickly, even for a few days.
If you are planning to leave, do not tell them in advance. Leaving is the most dangerous time, and a quiet, planned exit is safest.
Next time you feel the urge to escape through a risky encounter, try to pause and tell yourself: "I am feeling controlled, not ***. I want freedom, not this person." Try to give yourself that validation through self-care instead.
Remind yourself daily: I am a legal adult. I do not need permission to live my life.
You do not have to do this alone. Take your time, take it one small step at a time, and remember that people here on 7 cups and the people you identify in your environment as your safety network believe in your ability to build the free life you deserve.
