Pls help I can't take it anymore without going insane
TW: SA, sui5id3, 4nxi3ty, mental 4bus3
I'm F18 and year by year I've been struggling even more with my mental health due to trauma. When I was 7 and my half brother 6 we were sa'ed by a teenager cousin. My relationships w my parents is nothing but me acting always like a daughter who gives no problems only make them proud while they always cared more about his friends and themselves rather than me(they're not together since I was 9 btw.) I live with mom and I have no conditions to live alone rn, and she doesn't even let me go out for a couple hours to talk with friends without freaking everyone out texting with no reason that is scared about where am I or if I am OK even w me sending pictures of where I am, even though when she's home never cared much abt me. Dad almost abandoned me, only comes pick me up like 8 times a year lol and acts like the most caring person w me like he never had disappeared when I most needed. Both of them dealt with depression when I was a kid, so I have to act like an adult a lot while I was just a kid. And an insane part abt my story is that one day when I was a kid, dad saw me my brother and my cousin almost kissing, just looked distressed and then proceed to close the door like he saw anything. I've been most part of my life seeing myself as a monster for being induced by my teenage cousin on the time to do those things with him and my brother, only at 17 I came to realise I was just a kid going through ***. Best part of my life was school bc at home only my grandma and uncles would talk and play with me and they had a lot of chores to do and also suffered some kind of domestic mental 4bus3(treated and talked bad by my grandpa). I still live in this same traumatic environment and I almost committed last year if it wasn't for someone of my family noticing that I wasn't ok and talking to me without judgement. I fear telling things to my parents because mom makes everything about her and dad just looks like he's pretending to give a shi abt me. I trust no one and Ive never told this to no one, I just need help so much bc since I was a child I will be just crying till I sleep and having anxiety attacks.
@s2warmheartedapple3
It makes me feel bad to hear all that you are going through. and I am sorry this has been your experience at home. You have a friend here who went through similar things growing up. I hope that you can find the support you need here. Whenever you need a listening ear, post it here, and I will respond when I see it. If you like we also have Listeners that you can talk to if that helps you more.❤️
thank you sm for the kind words and support, it really makes me feel less alone in this🤎
@s2warmheartedapple3
I am glad it helped a bit to just have a listening ear. Always here for you. You are never alone in your struggles here. Thanks for trusting us enough to post on this site,
that is horrible. i can't belive that you have passed this. first of all, im a spanish girl, and my english is not good. if you dont understand anything, tell me. my father abused me for years when i was 3- and he stopped when i was like 8. i always kept it to myself. now i've told my mother, and psicologist, and everything is chaos at home. i feel alone, and my mother forbids me to tell anyone about it.
I am so sorry to know the abuse you've went through from a person that was supposed to take care of you and the lack of support you're receiving, this is heartbreaking, it hurts a lot and deep especially when you're young. I hope we can overcome all this chaos, you're not alone, please feel free to talk. I'm also a Latina and that's not my first language, but you write very well. 🤍
i feel so alone too. i cant sleep, and I’m looking for someone who really understands me, but there’s no one. It’s frustrating. Im just 14 and.. anyway, i just want to escape from my family, house, country.. i want to go out of spain. in my school, a girl was bullying me. She insulted me every day, and that made my self-esteem drop even more. And well… my brother is an ***. I have nothing else to say about him. You can probably imagine the rest.
This is so sad, I'm so sorry. You've made me remember from my young self, I also dealt with bullying when I was abt your age, no one deserves this ***. I can barely believe about what you may went through with your brother. If you need to talk, I'm here, you're not alone in this. 🤍