Random emotional dump!

Hi babies you don't have to read this but I'm hoping by posting this maybe I will be able to breath some, happy new years my loves. And comments are more than welcome, I wasnt sure where to exactly post this so forgive me please ð¥º

Normally I don't talk about my mental health especially recently I have been trying to shove all of it down and I know that is very unhealthy. I can't wait for this month to be over with I'm especially glad Christmas is done and over with it marks a whole year since I was drugged up and r*ped a whole year since I called the cops and was dissowned, a whole year since I lost a soul, a whole year since I said *** you and left. This year they have sent me three things in total and completely *** me up. One on my "birthday", second one and third one for Christmas crap, the cops can't do anything I'm devastated and the worst part is they know and just don't care. I told them I do not want contact and they still are contacting me and even the detective on the case told me no contact.

I don't know where I am in my head right now, this year and mainly month have sucked, I havnent had a chance to regulate my emotions, or even greave at all. I feel like I'm present but yet I feel trapped in this void, I have to switch meds again and I am dreading coming down from my current medication to start this other one. I feel like I have no control I feel like I'm out of my body watching what's happening. I'm constantly in this state of fear and anxiety, the dreams aren't helping they are worse especially with what month it is. My beautiful wife and I are conestky at each other's throats and it's all the crap going on and this isn't what I want for her. I feel like everything is slowly falling apart piece by piece. I'm trapped in side my head isolated in this ending nightmare, she is always angry and she has every right to be!! But I can't take it especially with everything I'm going through. I don't know what to do I'm drowning in all this negativity, anger, hurt, abuse, etc. I really have no hope that this sh*this will ever change.

Maybe a little over a week or so I started to volunteer at hibitat for humanity again and it does help but on the way home the pure dread seems right back and it's not towards my wife obviously it's towards all this f*cking crap going on I don't know how much more I can take before I shatter into a bigger mess then what I am. I pray for God that 2026 is so much better and full of growth and positive things, maybe a door to a path of some kind...