Ruined a bond with a new person over my old trauma bonded relationship

Going through some serious trauma. 10 years ago I fell in love with someone who had a boyfriend , she cheats on him for me but never breaks off , then she cheats on me for my best friend , then things go south between them and she asks me out , outta loneliness. I reject her knowing it wasnt genuine and I also was healing from all the past trauma, I thoughtt if I give it time and if our love was real, we could be together in the future once both of are healed. Then I meet this wonderful girl who I loved being with and she had feelings for me but maybe I wasnt fair to her because I still wasnt over the older girl, so she drifted away slowly. Now to the present, I go back to the first girl and try to get back but she tells me she is planning on getting married to either her first ex or the guy who she cheated with on me. This breaks me, I overthink stuff and cry out every night but then I start reading the old texts and viewing the pictures of the second girl that I met and the bond that we had felt so pure and I felt I was truly happy with her, so I try texting her now after 2 years but she comes online but doesnt reply back to me. Its been 6 hours since I texted her and I know she probably moved on. The sad part is I think I lost a diamond in search of gold. Now I cry for truly being alone , oh yeh and I live alone and have no friends or family living in the same city , so it makes things worse.