Seeking justice
Three years ago I started a post on this forum asking for advice as I was thinking about reporting my abusers to the police (if you want to, search the forum for the word 'police' and you'll find it).
A lot has happened since then - I've pulled myself together and reported what happened. Three video interviews later, many informal 'chats' since, many lows and some not-so-lows later and I've finally found out that the case is going to court.
The one abuser who is still alive has been charged with 15 offenses - he's done it before, been in jail before, now even changed his name as he's been in the news locally.
Now the external wait is coming to an end - November 2025. Might seem like miles away, but given I've been waiting more than 3 years already, I've become used to it, in a strange way.
I know I'm still compartmentalizing and subconsciously avoiding thinking about going to court in November, as the few times I do let my mind go there, it's hard to get back to whatever approaches normal. That said, I'm fortunate enough to have a really good therapist, someone I've bonded with, someone I trust.
I know there will be dark times ahead - handling the most difficult situation alongside 'normal' life without any script telling me how to behave, how to respond, how to feel.
So why did I write this post? Who am I writing this post for?
To all who have considered whether you are tough enough to seek justice - you are!
To all who wonder whether there is support to help you through this process - there is!
To all who need justice to have their voice heard - come forward!
It is not simple, not straightforward nor swift, but you have the right to access justice and to have your voice heard. I don't claim to be stronger than anybody else, there's nothing special about me or my situation. But if I can do this, then I'm hopeful my few words might help you one day to have your truth heard.
Yes, starting this process was entirely my decision. Yes, the process is not for everyone. But do I regret it? No. Absolutely not. It is what I need, no matter how long it takes.
Grits
@Grits1910 I'm glad your finally getting justice ❤
@Grits1910. I remember that you were having a really hard time. I’m glad to hear that you are doing better. It’s awesome what you were able to do.
@Grits1910
Dear grits,
I'm so happy to read this post. I know I kind of went dark here for a while but I'm better now also. I am so happy to hear that you are finally getting Justice for what you went through. You are a hero for doing this because I know what it costs to stand up and fight for justice. What a great example you are for others. I'm glad that you're feeling better, doing better and getting on with your life. Thanks for encouraging others.
Best always ABB💜
Grits,
Sending strength for this month/ November in court.
Best always to you
ABB 💜
@amiableBlackberry92 It means so much to have read your post, remembering that my court appearance is taking place in November.... thank you!
The trial is not yet over, three weeks in, now waiting on the final stages of the judge summing up, the jury retiring to consider their verdict.
This has been the hardest challenge I have ever faced (and I have faced quite a few!). But despite the battle it has been to get to this point, I have had my voice heard.
I have been so lucky to be surrounded by some really amazing people - my court support worker, the barrister representing me, the lead detective on the case... and many more. They have been in my corner, fighting for justice, looking after me, supporting me with such patience and empathy. The people I have met briefly in court, they have all been so kind, just the little things, the smile to encourage me when I sat in the witness box, the words of support that I'm 'so brave', the light touch on the shoulder to tell me they are nearby when I'm sobbing - it's been so tough, but they have helped me through it.
I know now that I do want the verdict to go my way (before I just wanted justice). Those two outcomes are distinct for me, but now I realise how important it is that the court reach the right decision. If nothing else, for my own sanity, to know that he cannot continue to perpetuate abuse on anyone else, that he answers for what he did to me, that he acknowledges the childhood he destroyed.
And yet, having survived these last few weeks, I know that I am stronger than I ever believed. Whatever the outcome, I will get through this. Whatever the way forward, I know that I can share with trusted others, even through difficult times, which will come.
And if you are reading this, thinking whether you could seek justice, whether you are strong enough, then I say yes, you can and you are. It will not be quick, it will not be easy, but there are people out there, working to support you through it. These people may work in broken systems, bureaucratic nightmares, the underfunded mess that is the criminal justice process. But despite their surroundings, these people are no less brilliant, no less empathetic, no less diligent - they are what makes the process I am going through slightly more bearable, they are the reason that I have been able to get my voice heard, they are what I will remember when I am years down the line after this process finally finishes.
🤗🤞
Grits
I reported my abuser to the Police in 2021.
It is now 2025, almost 2026.
And he has been found guilty, on all charges.
The jury came back really quickly, a unanimous verdict.
Strangely enough, I don't feel anything right now. I find it hard to accept people's positivity, their congratulations, "you were so strong" - I struggle to see any positive in the whole sordid affair.
He's been sent to prison, straightaway, due to the risk he poses. It's unlikely he'll come out in his lifetime.
Would I have gone through it all again, had I known? Yes. I have been fortunate to have been surrounded by some really special people who have helped give me my voice back.
I have taken the control back.
Now it's time to focus on healing.
Grits ð¥¹
@Grits1910. Wishing you healing and peace in the new year.
@Grits1910
Grits, this is fantastic news. All your sacrifices, stress, doubts it was all worth it because you saved a bunch of people from that person victimizing others. You also showed people that yes you can get Justice!!! This is amazing news. And I can understand why you feel numb on some level. It's because you've been fighting for so long and you've been through so much and it's finally come to a close. You need time to process this and it was an incredible journey and super validating at the end. All I can say is you are my hero, congratulations!! And thank you for showing that it is possible to get Justice from these perpetrators. No matter what you think or what anybody says you were incredibly strong to do what you've done in the last few years. Pursuing Justice can be re-traumatizing please take care of yourself. You give hope in all that you do and all that you've done. You are incredible remember that.!
Best always
ABB 💜
I’m glad you gain your control back and you are in your healing process. I wish you the best, you deserve it. Sending you 💖
I’m glad you gain your control back and you are in your healing process. I wish you the best, you deserve it. Sending you 💖
After enduring significant emotional distress due to my ex-husband's abusive behavior, I have gathered substantial evidence of his actions. With the assistance of @Technocrat_ICT on X, I am preparing to file for divorce and seek full custody of our children. Your guidance during this process would be invaluable.
@courteousBeach7012
I'm so sorry to hear of your situation - I do hope you and your children are managing to find a way forward together.
Of course, I'm happy to be of support in any way that I can - if I have any experience that can help you through this difficult time, then I'm here for you.
Grits 🤗
It's now March 30 2026. I first reported to the Police in May 2021.
The process is finished - court has come to an end. He has been found guilty.
He has been given over 20 years in jail for what he did. He's likely to die in there.
Everyone's saying how brave I have been, how courageous I am, congratulating me on the outcome. I can't process this - I don't feel like I can associate any positive feelings with this process, no matter the outcome.
I don't regret starting this, nor staying the distance. But now I feel totally drained, empty inside, anxiety worse than ever.
I don't know whether I subconsciously thought that this process would bring me peace, some semblance of fulfilment - I honestly don't know what I was/am looking for. I am worrying that maybe I had it in my head that disclosing what happened to me would help me in the long run. I guess it will. Just feeling like everything is getting on top of me.
There isn't a roadmap for what comes next, no stages, no deadlines, no milestones. I don't know how to handle what I'm feeling right now - whether it's acceptable to find it super difficult to handle the process of returning to normal after a really traumatic few months. One day it's life as normal, next day it's court appearance. Day after it's life as normal... and on it goes. I'm not sure that I have the capacity to switch between these two modes - it's just too exhausting not to have any space to process, to digest what's happened, to cry, to shout, to struggle.
Although I'm really lucky to have some amazing people around me, I don't think they can understand how much I'm struggling, particularly as I don't feel I can open up without burdening them, letting them down, not able to function entirely as normal. I feel like I'm lacking the emotional space for all this and not sure how to handle this.
I know that giving evidence in court has been the most challenging thing I've ever done, and that if I can get through that, I can get through anything. I just wish that I knew how to handle the here and now, the sense of guilt, anxiety, worry, pain, loss - hard to quantify how I truly feel.
Time will heal all wounds they say, and I can understand the wisdom in that. But is this a wound beyond repair? Just don't know.
I feel guilty for not being able to reach out to those around me, my parents in particular as I know they're worried for me. Just wish I had the mental capacity to keep life as normal ticking along, but beneath the surface it's really not straightforward.
I'm sorry not to be more upbeat - after all, I had the outcome I wanted from court. I guess I need to recharge, just need to figure out how to get the space I need to do so.
Grits ð«£
Dear Grits,
I think your reaction is your way you can process what's happened. And I think for everybody it's different. And you're right time does help whether it is just a process, healing, or dealing. I can tell you that for me the trauma that I experienced was so profound it took me 5 years of intense therapy in order to feel better and for a while I was feeling apathetic and unable to really function well. Eventually I started having feelings again and was able to process. I didn't think it was possible and you're right you have to deal with your regular life with this extra event on top. Going to court was extremely heavy for you as it would be for any of us . On some level you faced an incredibly challenging situation and came out on top. It will just take a while to feel it. Just remember you are an incredible survivor. You can do anything after what you've accomplished. And you have people here you can share with if you need someone.
Best always ABB 💜
@Grits1910Thank you! I admire your spirit.
