Sexual Assualt and Relationships Afterwards: Advice needed
I'm struggling a bit right now. I am a Bi woman who has solely dated women or feminine presenting women in my past due to my trauma that I have from assault when I was younger. However, I've recently started dating this really great guy who has been understanding of my boundaries and my desire to take our relationship slow due to my past. I need advice on how to go foward; ei, how to become more comfortable around him. I've been staving off panic attacks if I think he is going to kiss me, etc. He has NOT went over my comfort level but the idea and prospect has been bringing back this trauma. I want to be able to show him affection without having these attacks and I'm just not sure how to go forward. This hasn't been an issue in my past relationships with women/afab individuals and is just now cropping up as this is my first relationship with a Amab man. Any advice is appreciated, I don't want him to feel uncared for just because of the things that have happened to me in the past.
@AssumingVillage Hello. I am sorry to hear about your traumatic experience from the past.
Have you ever talked about it with a therapist? I mean a psychiatrist or a psychologist specialized in healing trauma, preferably female, good if experienced in sexuology, too... And, of course, respecting your background.
Maybe you could try to think of what makes the difference for you between 'safe' and 'unsafe' intimacy. Haven't you ever been kissed by the ladies you met? If the problem is mostly with the negative sensual associations, you could try to "cheat" the trauma with your partner behaving gentle, afab-style. But I am afraid if the problem "is in your head" it's far too risky and there is no better way than some therapy.
From my experience (at least one of my partners had been a victim of an assault long years before we met), when you fall in love the hormones cocktail can "zero" the trauma effects, but only for a while. And when you say you have panic attacks, your PTSD may be too deep for experimenting with no professional care and advice.
What earns my honest respect is the fact that you try to not let the traumatic events of the past block you from experiencing good feelings from a person you love, and try not to hurt him. I keep my fingers crossed for you! 😊