Support for cutting off an abusive parent.
I really need some support right now. My dad was physically abusive, mentally abusive, verbally abusive, and emotionally abusive growing up, and displayed predatory behaviors towards me as a teen.
Later on tonight, I'm going to be sending a text to let him know that I no longer want contact. I'm going to be honest...I'm beyond terrified right now, but I know I need too. It's time. I feel lost, and my head is spinning, but this has been a very long time coming.
Please, can I have some words of encouragement, and support? I desperately need them right now. I'm scared, and I don't know what'll happen next.
@Blueturtle1111
Good luck!! I wish u the best of luck and I'm sending all the love i can!
Thank you so much, that means a lot ð©·ð©·
Little update, I did it!! ♡
@Blueturtle1111
I'm so so proud of you!! I hope it went well!
I believe it went well! Thank you so much! ❤
@Blueturtle1111 your making the right choice. I'm sorry he was abusive towards you😥 but yes be strong you can do this ❤ were all here with you ❤
It's okay, it's not your fault. I finally cut him off a few days ago! 𥳠Thank you so much for your kind words. It truly means a lot â¤
@Blueturtle1111 well done sweetie ❤ how are you doing?
Thank you! ❤ I'm doing okay right now. I haven't heard anything from him, and I doubt I will. I was still financial dependent on him in some ways, so I'm working on figuring that one out right now. There's still many uncertainties, but I know everything will turn out okay. Thank you again for your kind words, and support. I really appreciate it ❤
I had the exact same kind of father. They don't change. Mine stayed the same until he died. You're doing the right thing. Keep telling yourself "Any man can be a sperm donor, it takes a special man to be a father."
I don't know what kind of physical abuse you had to endure, but my dad didn't just beat us. Oh no. He had to add a touch of humiliation with it. Like one time he pinned me to the floor and squeezed the dirty water from a sponge into my mouth he'd forced open. Just to give you a hint of what I'm talking about.
I ran away from home (from my dad) at 14. Back in those days it was against the law (now a kid has to also break some other law for authorities to do anything about them running away). Anyway, at 16 a counselor asked me, "has it ever crossed your mind your dad was wrong?" (About the things he said to me, like " you'll never amount to anything" and " you're a liar, a cheat, and a thief and I'm ashamed your my daughter" etc etc blah blah blah)
But back to what the counselor said. Mind blown!!! NO, that had never crossed my mind! My dad was never wrong about anything!!! I'm his daughter, why would he lie? And it took me over 4 decades to accept that maybe, just maybe, that counselor was right.
I'm telling you this because if your self-image has been damaged by your "father" as badly as mine was, PLEASE realize he's projecting the way he feels about himself onto you, what he's said and done really had nothing to do with you, personally. You're a special person, and it's his loss for 1) not embracing that and 2) trying to take it from you.
STAY STRONG and stick to your decision. It is NOT true that a bad father is better than no father. And he'll do the same to your kids. Always keep that in the forefront of your mind, particularly if you feel yourself second guessing your decision.
But I feel for you hon, having a dad like that is a tough burden to bear. Best of luck to you. Let me know how you get on. And be sure to delete and/or block him from EVERYTHING. That way if he DOES try to contact you, you won't have that dilemma. And if he doesn't, you won't know, so it won't hurt.
❤️ Big huge hugs ❤️
🐻
Thank you for sharing your story, it's greatly appreciated, and helps a lot more than you know. I know how hard it can be too talk about it, and I'm very proud of you for doing so. I'm so sorry that you had to go through all of that. The way you we're treated is horrendous, and heartbreaking. You deserve so much more, and I hope you're doing better now â¤
Thankfully, I haven't heard anything from him yet, and I highly doubt I will. Quite frankly, I don't miss him in the slightest, and I felt like I could finally breath a little more when I cut him off. I detached myself from him at 17 after he said many cruel things to me during a conversation. I'm going to keep this vague as I don't know what you've been through, and I don't want to bring up any bad memories, but to give you an idea of the cruel things he said to me I was hurt very badly in many ways as a little girl by a boy in the neighborhood, and he took the neighbors side. He attempted to justify the boy's actions, blamed me, and had told me to "get over it because it's been nearly a decade" along with many other things.
I later on learned that he purposely left me alone with the boy despite knowing of the dangers, and being instructed to not leave me alone with him because if I had a "friend" over, he had an excuse to not pay attention to me. After that, I detached myself from him. I no longer feel any sort of love for him. For a long time I wondered way I even started that conversation in the first place because I knew how it would go, and I recently realized that it's because I knew that's what I needed to detached myself. I knew that's what I needed to be able to accept the man that my father is.
I came to realize a long time ago that my father is simply not capable of feeling love. It may sound extreme, and it took me a long time to accept, but it's reality. He "loves" a person only when it's convenient for him, and makes him look good as his reputation is important to him. To put it bluntly, he's a monster of a man. I don't know how too describe him entirely, but he's truly a monster.
The thing that finally pushed me to cut him off was when he wanted to come to my high school graduation, likely only because my step mom wanted to go, and I broke down completely. I cried for the first time in months till I couldn't anymore. I was so terrified that he may come that I didn't want to go to my graduation, and I realized that, no matter the consequences, I needed to cut him off. Thankfully, he and my stepmom didn't come, and I got my high school diploma yesterday(Yay!ð¥³)
Thank you once again for sharing your story. Not many people close to me seem to understand where I'm coming from, and why I cut him off because we're "family." It's nice to have someone who understands. I wish you only the best â¤
@Blueturtle1111 you are brave strong and courageous what you have done. Yes you must of being terrified to cut him off im sorry what you went through and are still going through.
Thank you so much! That means a lot ❤
I had to do that to my mom for the same reasons. Be sure to block texts, phone calls, email, and social media. They will use others to try to get messages to you. Do not have any regrets. I know you want answers as to why did they did that, and did they love you. Trust me narcissists don't love anyone but themselves. In their mind they didn't do anything to you but you caused everything. Do not feel bad abt this.